Cadel Evans - My part in his glory

I like Cadel Evans, there I've said it.

It's 1988, I'm in Katherine, a small town in Australia's Northern Territory, I'd gone there to paddle a boat down the Katherine gorge. I spent a few days there and I'd spend each night in a (the only?) local pizza place, eating pizza and getting wasted on the local brews. Now this happen to coincide with the Tour stage win by a certain Sean Yates and each night would see me holding forth with a great passion about the wonders of cycling and how the locals should embrace their true sporting heroes. Forget Alan Border and Wally Lewis, no Phil Anderson, Alan Piper, Hubert Opperman, Danny Clark and Dunc Gray where the men their kids should look up to. I like to think that my polemic encouraged a certain Cadel Evans to take up the sport seriously and whilst I have no proof of this I think it's far too much of a coincidence to ignore.


What a difference a day makes.

What a day for a day dreaming boy...... Cadel Evans, love him or hate him, you certainly can't ignore him - cos if you do he'll slap your legs. Cadel has got where he is today through the brilliantly pushing to his limit and perfect timing or following wheels and not attacking, take your pick. Me I'm a fan, I'll always give Cadel a shout, sorry, that should read I'll always give Cadel a shout of encouragement, I reserve shouts of abuse for other riders.
I love it when Cadel gets called for being crap, now a Tour podium is not a sign of being crap is it? In my book it's either a sign of class and dedicated training or a sign of too many visits to the doctors, In Cadels case it's class and dedication if you ask me.
And anyway, putting his riding style aside, how can you not love a man who threatens to chop of a jurno head for stepping on his dog? How can you not warm to someone who walks into a press conference, throws his smashed helmet on the table and says 'there's your interview'.

Poor Ned...

My favourite Cadelism was an interview with Ned Boulting. After a good stage ride poor Ned interviewed Cadel and said 'People are now talking of you as a favourite' to which Cadel replied 'Only now eh...' with a look which said 'have you written a will?' . Class, just class.
Poor Ned, I think they must sit around in the ITV4 trailer picking which rider is most pissed off by the stage and then send Ned out to interview them, no wonder he looks happier at the Tour de Britain, the locals are so much more friendly.

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Mistakes? I've made a few.

21 Months, why it seem like only yesterday.

We all make mistakes, we are after all human.
Amongst the mistakes I've made over the last couple of years have been, not tightening the stem on my training bike and going arse over head on the first hill I climbed, entering a bike race, entering a bike race that had a hill in it, etc etc. It's a reasonably long list, But to be honest I don't feel the need to apologise for any of them.

So imagine my surprise when Thomas 'Double' Dekker Admits after his B sample is positive that he ' regrets his mistake' and 'will apologise and be held accountable, where possible.'
How, just how is sticking a needle up your arse a mistake? What were you trying to hit that your aim was so poor you bent over, dropped you pants and as a result needle met crack? Thank God Thomas wasn't a javelin thrower or there would have been a few deaths by now.

Oh and this 'where possible' what the fuck does that mean? More crap doper double speak designed to wimp-out of naming names and helping to bring suppliers to the courts.
21 months, 21 months is the time from the sample being taken to the result of the B test being made public. Still not to worry, the UCI have it all under control and the dopers are on the run.

Two up, Two down.

Now far be it from me to sound of against the UCI or criticise the 'war on doping' or in anyway rant on in a negative, sarcastic and cynical way BUT. BBox & Cofidis get relegated from the Pro-Tour. So relegation to the lower division of cycling? What does this mean? Loss of a TdF place? Nope? Loss of a place at any other event run by ASO? Probably not, they are after all French. But lets for a moment suppose that the teams relegated weren't French what then? Pressure form a sponsor, pressure from the management? pressure from their home nations press? pressure on riders? pressure on coaches? pressure on doctors? Pressure to dope in order to get the wins that guarantee the points that guarantee a place at the top table?

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4 more years, 4 more years, 4 more years

Cycling - really popular now - apparently.


Back in the arse end of the 80's football became popular. Well I say popular but let me quantify that. The arrival of the fanzine culture, the utterances of various footy loving 'beat combos' and the acceptance of football by certain 'media' types saw celebrity after celebrity jumping on the round ball bandwagon.
'Thank God that'll never happen to the worlds greatest sport' I stupidly thought. But suddenly the world of celebrity is queueing up to be seen on a bike and to admit a fondness for drilling out the chainring on their early 80's TT bike. First there was that bloke out of Spandu Ballet and then there was someone else I can't be arsed to remember, not to mention sever people I've never heard of. (I should point out that the only people I've heard of are cyclists).


I don't know much about cycling, but I know what I like!


Of course alongside this the filthy stain ridden scum that is your daily press has started pronouncing on all matter bike related. Sir Chris wins a bit of bling and suddenly every two bob hack in grub street is an expert on race tactics and power outputs.
This year has seen a level bollocks talked by the national press in relation to cycling reach an all time high. OK there have been many good and insightful articles, but there has been just as much codswallop.

The performances of various GB teams at worlds this year has for me highlighted who should be kept on the payroll and who should be offered retraining. First up the track worlds, GB finished 3rd in the medal table, with ten gongs, a couple of rainbows and a team consisting of young riders, riders in different events and a few old stagers (is it legal to call Queen Victoria an old stager? I doubt it - sorry) Any way the press almost to a slavering dog labelled the whole thing a failure. And so to the road worlds, again labelled a failure. But why? 4th in the U23, Emma sprinting for 5th (and I know Emma's no sprinter), Wiggos flato when chasing bronzeo and a lot learned in terms of operating a full squad.
So failure then? Not from my patch on the road side, but even if it was a failure there is still an issue here, and for me that is the lack of understanding about our sport and the tactics involved. I wouldn't be so bold as to pass comment on the tactics employed at a football match and yet it would seem that suddenly the world is awash with armchair DS's, what are they called? Monday morning coaches?



And talking of tossers.....

Have I ever told you about the UCI? . It seems that the land that sanity forgot - Ch. de la Mêlée 12, is again awash with brilliant ideas for revitalising our great sport. The IOC (more of them later) have said that cycling can keep it's 10 track events, but must introduce parity between the mens and womens events. The parity bit is brilliant new, it's about time women had the same opportunities as men, but hang on just a tyre pumping minute. The loss of track endurance? How does that work then? Well the UCI's argument is that the endurance riders have 'The Road' and they can bugger off and play there. I will now talk v e r y s l o w l y just incase anyone from the UCI is listening. Different ok, preparation for a road event is different from preparation from a track endurance event. Cancellara? TT yes, road race yes, Individual pursuit no, AC? (that Alberto Contador, not AC fromoperation Puerto) Road race, maybe, TT maybe, track endurance - no, Wiggo Wiggins? yes to all of em, just not at the same time. The point is similar base yes, road endurance, aerobic endurance supporting track endurance yes, but specifically in he same event cycle, at the same Olympics no.

Parity my arse.

Oh and this parity you speak of, it only works if the women's road scene is comparable to the men's road scene. It is clearly not. So Lizzy Armitstead no points and scratch race to fulfil your Olympic dreams, never mind you can go and ride the amazing range of road events that are open to women.
Oh, range of events not so amazing? Never mind I'm sure Uncle Pat has a plan to vitalise womens road racing.

The IOC - that body that insists all sports sign up to athlete whereabouts programmes and stringent anti-doping activities and yet does screw all when they don't, that's screw all except pretend that the rules and requirements never existed. The IOC Claim that staging the Olympics is expensive and numbers of athletes muct be kept to a minimum, totally valid point. But hang on, won't the riders that ride the Team Pursuit also contest the Individual as well? Won't the riders that make up the TP squad also be up for a little light points racing? Just as the argument for cutting the Kilo and 500 showed the IOC's complete lack of understanding of which athletes ride which events (as well as the UCI's lack of moral fibre - wasn't LMF a reason to go in front of a fireing squad during WW1?) the cutting of track endurance shows a similar level of blind ignorance & cowardice.


And another thing whilst I'm in full rant mode, changing the requirements for Olympic events 13 months into a cycle is not the brightest of things is it? Training and long term planning - Rewrite it! Sponsorship deals and Government finance - Redistribute it! Athlete hopes and dreams - screw it!



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Wiggo to ride a bike next year - official

After much twittering and frowning I can exclusivity reveal that Brad 'Wiggo' Wiggins will spend next year riding a bike. Er, that's about it I'm afraid, sorry.
But lets be honest I'm not losing sleep over it, I only tell you this because it seems that some people are, and if your one of them, never mind, I'm off to the life shop soon, I'll make sure I pick one up for you.

Are you ready for the Shack?

Personally I couldn't give a toss one way or the other. Teams come and go and the only thing I ever remember is what the jersey looked like and how many dope tests they failed. But I have to admit I have been following the Sky signings saga with a little more than a passing interest. Now I don't know if this is due to it being touted as a British team, or because of my wearyness that soon all bike races will disappear up the dish or indeed because I'm excited by their anti doping policy, but what ever the reason I've been trawling the web for news on regularly sad and obsessive basis. Of course my excitement could well fade as we find out what make of bike they will ride and what the jersey will look like, but so far so good.

I have mused about riders being linked to Sky and then turning up in other squads. Why could this possibly be, could rumours on the web all be bollocks? Could journalists guesses be wrong? Is the money on offer just too much? Did Sky's request to see all blood passport data, other tests results etc. put some riders off?

And talking of being put off....

Vuelta, Vuelta, Vuelta, Fridge, Fridge, Fridge

Over in Spain fridge manufacturers report a surge in demand as the public, inspired by the fine Work of Alejandro Valverde, rush out to buy the product he has so famously endorsed.

Sadly poor Alexandre Vinokourov drops out sighting fatigue as the cause. How sad, if only there was a product available that would help combat fatigue, maybe something he could keep in a fridge to stop it going off.
And so to Basso, who has stopped thinking about doping..............


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When I asked for a blood sample.......

Cycling it would seem is not the only sport where madness is high on the agenda, Rugby Union also seems to clock up it's fair share of strange events. Dean Richards of Harlequins has been banned from coaching for 3 years for his part in a 'fake blood scandal'. Of course Rugby Union is nowhere as good a sport as cycling and this 'scandal' is proof positive.
Fake blood? Fake bloody blood? Bloody fake fakey bloody blood? Call that a scandal, in cycling we don't mess about with fake blood we use the real thing, gallons of it, your own blood, someone else's blood, blood from a fridge, blood from a clinic, blood from a Spanish doctor. And we don't just splash a few drops on or lower lips on no, we mix it with anything we can get our hands on, EPO, CERA, Testosterone, speed, recovery drink, coffee, lard, sometimes we mix the whole lot together and down a few pints before the morning training run. Fake blood my arse, call that a scandal?

Latest transfer news.

It's been confirmed that AC (That's Alberto Contador not AC from operation Puerto) is not moving teams, that is unless he moves teams. He will apparently stay at Astana and ride as personal assistant to the proudest son of Kazakhstan Alexander 'Me? I've just been on holiday for 2 years' Vinokourov.
Brilliant, if ever there's a contract that someone wishes he hadn't signed it must be Contadors, it was all going swimmingly, there he was main man in a team funded out of a county that had been put on the map by having the piss taken out of it. Still, he was number one and then? And then it all went wrong, up comes Lancey Boy and suddenly AC (That's Alberto Contador not AC from operation Puerto) is a number 2 and then just as he was thinking about leaving for pastures new some damn cycling official waves a contract under his nose and mutters something about carring water for Vinokourov (who as we all know only wins on water).
His only hope now is that Vlad the impaler gets a global ban, and gets sacked and thus allows C d'E to free up enough cash to buy him out of his contract.

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What if Sky don't sign you ?

Time to raise the anti-doping bar.

Team Sky are rightly proud of the research they are doing into riders backgrounds and their test results / blood passport numbers before signing them. So if a rider signs for them we can make an assumption that they are pretty damn clean.
But what of the riders they don't sign? Is it a sign that the rider in question has something to hide? Is it a sign that their passport is ever so slightly stained? Is it a sign that they owned up to something under Big Daves thorough cross examination?
Have Sky raised the bar in the anti-doping fight? In the future will suspicion now fall not on riders that produce unexpected performances but on riders that reach the end of a contract and don't sign for Sky? Will it be a question of They didn't sign for Sky, therefore they must have 'issues'!

What is more interesting is will other teams follow suit, indeed will Garmins actions in posting the power and blood values of their riders especially VDV and Wiggo set another new trend? Teams may talk about transparency, which is of course just talk, and do sod all about that transparency. So it's gratifying to see that Sky and Garmin are both putting their money where their mouths are, it's about time other teams followed suit, indeed it's about time that the UCI requested open publication of riders power and blood results as a pre-requisite for all future team licenses. I fully accept that this would require the UCI excreting some kind of authority over and above their usual level of rhetoric, but maybe they could be forced to play catch up here? Or maybe they could just go on holiday as per......


More Kohl cobblers.

It's been a good few weeks since twatty face Kohl as been in the news. But he's back now with more dope fuelled revelations. As with all his utterances there is a sad air of inevitability about them. I'm not in the least bit surprised at the latest one's, that is, that his manager Stefan Matschiner bribed anti doping labs to find out the exact level at which doping products could be detected, thus allowing the needle to go into the arse at just under the point where it would show as positive. What I'm interested to know is what the UCI are doing with all this information, Are they formulating new policy based on it? Looking at the work done in the labs called into question? Looking at the scientists involved and not just the labs? Attempting to findout if any other teams are up to the same tricks? Cos if one's doing it you can bet your bttom btacket that they're not alone. Ary they sharing any information wiht national anti doping bodies, the IOC, the police? I would be more than a little surprised if the answer to any of these question was yes.

Other sports - more shocking revelations.

Having recently wondered out loud about the point of other sports and making the case for turning their venues over to cycling events I was more than a little alarmed to find out that some sports are still living in the dark ages, er, not.

It would appear that the England cricket team have had players injured playing football! Note the word player, for me that implys certain things, it implys an armature approach and a certain lack of commitment. Anyway, someone or the other has got injured playing football as part of their warm up routine for cricket. Er, different sports, different biomechanical actions, different, though admittedly similar physoligical requirements, different kit and therefore technique, etc etc. As a cycling coach if one of my riders wanted to warm up for a road race by, say, going for a run, playing football or riding a BMX I'd say a big no. So what gives with cricket? Ah yes, players not competitors.
Is it perhaps a coincidence that the sports where GB excels / does well in, cycling, rowing, possibly swimming are the sports that have a scientific apprach to preparation, warm up and competition. In other words sports that are professional in attitude and approach not just in name.


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An inglorious return

Well after a whole month of excessive coaching stuff, riders at champs, courses and even a little 'real world' work I'm back at the coal face of ill judged ranting and semi libelous cynicism.

Mind you my return is in no way as inglorious as Vinokourovs, back and back to his winning ways. I've no idea if his winning is in any way connected to his old ways or to new ways, but there you go, he's back.
He's talking joining Astana and Caisse d'Eparhne are talking 2nd sponsor to get Contador into the black. I mean why not, they've been riding for him all year and AC (That's Alberto Contador, not AC from Operation Puerto) has probable had enough of being tossed around at Astana, one day he was a number one and the next Lancey boy turned up, turned in a more than decent ride and then rode off with most of the team, and oh, he didn't get paid for a few months. Me thinks that if someone was to offer C d'E a tenner he'd be off.

BTW Vinokourov said "I wanted to go to all out. My goal was to test myself" - well I guess he knows all about testing.

And you thought the UCI were stupid!

Now I know I have, on occasion, let rip in the direction of the UCI, however, I should like to point out that the UCI are in no way better or worse than any other international governing body. A few weeks ago we had the world swimming champs and with it a slew of world records that is second only to the records set on the day 'Records began' (as in today was the wettest day since records begain). And was it all down to extra super training? nope, was it all down to new super 'juice'? - oh no, it was down to super fast costumes, made of I don't know what (and can't be arsed to find out) they allowed hundredths, tenths, seconds and in some cases days to be slashed of previous records. This of course caused much uproar, were they fair? Was technology taking over from good old fashioned hard work? Who was to blame? Needless to say FINA acted with UCI like efficiency and banned the suits, from next year, but hey they did something.
Not only did they ban them, but they issued an instruction that all future suits should be made from and get this, made from 'material' ! Genius, pure UCI genius. What the bloody hell are they made from now? Cabbages?

Le Tour de 2010, 78 teams apparently.

So, Le Tour is over and like all good soaps next years has started in earnest. Speculation about who will and who won't be there is building to such a crescendo that I can hardly stay awake. Apparently there will be a restriction on the number of teams with 20 being ASO preferred guess. Meanwhile there will be 3 new Radio Shack, Team Sky and team 'Is Sean Kelly still riding for them' along with the current 18 lucky recipients of the UCI's largess that, if my maths is correct is 21 and as we all know from school 21 will not fit into 20.
But you know what, this is cycling and we love nothing better than cold hard cash and cold hard publicity, Shack have Lancey boy and Sky has, well Sky has the worlds biggest media machine, Big Dave Brailsford and his meticulous planning and a super strong anti-doping policy, so they're riding then. Skill then? Well they had a decent Tour this year, not coming away with much, but aggressive and on the TV in a lot of breaks. And when compared to the pathetic showing from Lampre they look to be a shoe in.

But race day is still many months away, time for riders to change teams, time for twats to get busted and time for someone to win the odd race (The tour of Poland,that's an odd race). I suspect we will have a classic compromise and see all 21 on the start line. Still there's still time for a name or 2 to fall foul of the testers and spare eveyones blushes.

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