The return of the Tardis

And the new Dr Who is......


Si-Fi fans the world over were surprised, saddened, outraged and slightly amused as the BBC announced the new Doctor Who. The 11th Doctor will be played by our own, our very own, Mr Michael Rasmussen.

'Rasmussen was the perfect choice for us, he ticks all the right boxes.' said a BBC spokesman, who went on to say,
'Michael doesn't need to worry about being typecast, a fate that has befallen several other actors who have played Who. He's still fresh faced and yet has a look of other worldliness that is essential to the character.' When asked if there would be any major changes to the scripts for the new season the BBC replied, 'We don't envisage any major changes, Rasmussen's character is very similar to that of the doctor, both never quite know where they are or what the year is and both seem to have a past life that they prefer not to mention to others.'

Having a new doctor is all well and good, but what about the other key ingredients that make the show such an international hit, the monsters, aliens and of course the doctors assistant, what are the BBC's plans in those areas?
Well this is one area where there will be major changes. Following the death of Davros, creator of the Daleks a new master villain has to be found to lead the universes most evil warriors. Fortunately cycling has again stepped into help the show, with Dr Fuentes putting himself forward. 'We got Fuentes call out of the blue.' said the spokesman, 'But when he offered himself as the evil overlord intent on destroying the known universe it was an offer we couldn't refuse.'. 'In a way,' joked the spokesman, 'Cycling is a bit like the show, we keep killing off the Daleks but they keep making a coming back, we just can't get rid of them'

So, master villains and comebacks aside who, may we ask, is going to be the doctors assistant? No names have yet been put forward, but if you look at the characteristics needed to be a trusty sidekick certain names start suggesting themselves. The essential qualities for the doctors 'number two' are, stupidity, a state of permanent confusion, a belief that they are in control when in fact someone else is pushing all the buttons and an overwhelming urge to put themselves in the limelight despite having limited talent. Rumors that the first show in the series will be set in Aigle in Switzerland have yet to be confirmed.


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This is a rubber chicken, not a cyclist.

Lets all laugh at Michael Rasmussen, again.

The Court of Arbitration for Sport took five hours to decide on the case of the Chicken. Whilst their report will not be made public for a few weeks it is known is that it took 5 hours to make a decision.

I can exclusively reveal that those five hours consisted of:
Considering the merits of the case - 1 minute
Pissing themselves laughing at Rasmussen - 4 hours 59 minutes.

It's been a fun old week at CAS, not only did they have the Rasmussen case to keep them amused, but they had a submission from Riccardo Ricco to consider. Well I say consider, I mean look at, well I say look at, I mean laugh out of the building.
Because, it would appear, that Riccardo Ricco is innocent.

In addition to providing CAS with fresh comedy material, Ricco has been training. Apparently he has been training for 7 hours a day! What this training involves has not been made clear. Now I don't know much about being a hairdresser, but surely you don't need to train for 7 hours a day to do it, do you?

Vote for me I like cycling.

This time last year the Meadowbank stadium was due to be flattened as the local council pretty much said 'what do you want a velodrome for' and 'there's gonna be one in Glasgow in a few years time' and more than likely 'Chris Hoy who's he?'

Then it's all change as Sir Chris sweeps all before him and happens to mention that the demolishing of Meadowbank, with nothing to replace it is not a good idea.

After that it was only a matter of time before the council unclenched their buttocks, saw much loved votes disappearing down the drain and changed their minds.
As a result a new 200m track (covered) is being talked about, in fact two sites have been identified and I doubt it will be long before the first brick is laid. Nowadays you can get a basic 200m velodrome with changing rooms, toilets and a couple of offices for less than £1 million. Small change when compared to the average local council expenses bill.

So would there be a new track on the way if Chris hadn't won his three golds? What do you think?

Surprisingly ASO can't control the weather.

Lance and his personal valet come manservent, Johan Bruyneel are off to have a meeting with ASO. Why? I'm sure they have things to discuss, but why now and not when Lance was racing?

OK so Lance is worried that the French may attack him. But is getting a rabbit punch a la Merckx more likely now than it was 6 years ago?

I guess the meeting is to get some sort of reassurance from ASO about security. Which is as about as likely as asking Stefan Schumacher to start talking sense. Come on, traditionally the organisers of Le Tour are totally unable to control anything on the race. Riders, spectators, disruptions to the route, the weather, acts of God, ASO may believe they have full control over them all, but in reality they can just about control which shoes they wear each day.
I'm sure the the meeting will be warm and friendly, as friendly as any meeting could be where the two sides hate each other. But nothing will happen as a result other than a press statement about respect. My advice would be stay at home Lance, do something you'll enjoy, going will only rasie your blood presure. Save the money one air fare, have a coffee and go for a ride.