Don't speak too soon.

The great smell of turd.

Just as I was celebrating a clutch of ex dopers making their way to Argentina it come to pass that Rock Racing will be staying at home, doubtlessly due to the lack of cash which plaguing them at the moment. (BTW what is the collective noun for a collection of ex-dopers?).
So spare a thought for young Ivan, he'll have less to talk about whilst he's riding and might actually have to get down to racing, poor thing.

The organisers in Argentina are after $30,000 from Rock Racing, and have said if they don't pay up the Rockers won't be asked back. As threats go this one is pretty lame, this time next year there won't be a team to not ask back. Still, maybe there's a lesson there for other race organisers, that is, if it smells like a turd it is a turd, so don't invite it to your race, cos you could finish up with it all over your face, or something similar!

Your father is your brother and your sister is your mother....

And as I glance to the right, I see my diary and I see only a little over a week until the Cross worlds kicks off. Sadly I'm not going, but I strongly recommend that if you ever get the chance then GO, GO NOW.

I've seen worlds on the road, the track and at the cross and of them all the cross worlds, especially a cross worlds close to Belgium is best of the lot. Insane crowds, atmosphere that most sporting events would give their right arm for and a supply of beer and frits that would keep a battleship afloat. (can you float a boat on frits?).
You'll come home totally knackered, hungover, unwashed and feeling sick from the diet, but it will have been worth it. You will have dozens of new friends, heaps of illegible names and addresses written on muddy slips of paper, several email addresses you cant read, friends for life and a detailed knowledge of swearing in Flemish. In short you may well need a week to recover and even longer to come to terms with the experience, but it will have been worth it.
Next year forget taking the family to the beach, stick 'em in a camper van, fill it with beer and live the dream.

That Columbia kit in full.

In a previous life I had a rather sad obsession with team kit. Sadly as I grew up i left this childish phase behind and moved on, until now.
So welcome back team High on Columbia and their fourth kit in 12 months.
I guess they're still using the same design family as with previous efforts, but this year having dispensed with the 4 year old and his big crayons they've moved onto the teenager and his obsession with Alien, or Alien II, or return of Alien, or carry on up the Alien or what ever the movie was called. So now we have a pretend six pack on the jersey and a few big black lines that have obviously been used as a guide to coloring in.

Why my obsession with team kit, general sadness I guess. But get any group of cyclists together and the second major bone of contention will be team / club kit.
In the past I rode for a club that changed it's jersey from one that looked predominately like the Belgian National champs to one that was mainly white with a few splashes of color. Que one rider immediately buying up all the old stock and making us all offers for our old kit.
More recently there was a club that split in two as a result of a new kit design, one group hated the new jersey so much they went off and founded their own club and as result had to design a new jersey! Er.... no I don't get it either.

Nowadays I'll concede that Ton Ton Tapis was a comedy classic and a work of genius. That Castorama jersey is still appaling and no matter how many years pass will always continue to be so. But so often my esthetic decisions are based on who rides for the team, hate the rider, hate the jersey. Used to quite like Rabobank, then along comes the chicken, now I hate it. Saunier Duval? Never liked it, now it enduces a mouth frothing fit.
So High on Columbia? actually I totally love it, best jersey ever worn in the peloton, oh except for Peugeot (Yates, Millar, Duclos and Piper).



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Try a little tenderness? Nah!

It ain't half comical mum.

I am in a lot of pain, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, my back hurts and even my ears hurt. And this dear reader is due to an excess of tracking, or to be more precise riding the local madison session. It's been a long time since I last rode one, long enough for my technique to become crap, long enough to forget how much it hurts and long enough to forget how much I love riding them.

Luckily something I haven't forgotten is how funny Rock Racing are. The latest turn in the comic capers of Mr Ball and his merry band of dopers, has beens and never will be's is the potential court case involving the lawyers of 'businessman' Ball and Baden Cooke. Cooke was signed, then he wasn't, there was continental pro status, then there wasn't, there was a European programme, then it's all back in the US and soon there will be no team. Still the Rockers have been racing in Australia (why, if there's only cash for a US programme did Ball send his merry men downunder?) and all of their riders have been showing well, perhaps in an effort to up their profile and win some cash before the coffers run dry sometime over the summer. Whatever the reason the smoke and mirros show that was rock racing no looks like it'll be over before the sun is fully up and we'll have a few more riders looking for teams.
The good news however if you're a rider looking for a ride on 2010, is that there won't be much competition from ex Rock Racers, well I say much, actually I mean any at all. At this point we can finally put the Hamilton twins in the dustbin of history along with such luminaries as Richard Virenque?


Cross - you gotta love it, no seriously, you have.

Cyclo Cross - what a great season. As we approach the worlds it looks like the mens race could be anybodies, anybody that is providing your name is Lars Boom. The Orange rocket looks hot favourite for the title this year, he's not raced a lot and seems to be able to turn on the gas exactly when it's called for. His programme of targeting a few major races looks to be paying off, so there you go. Or do you? Sven Nys has called on the Belgians to unite against the boy Boon, but to what avail? Whilst Nys has had a good season he admits that Boon must start as favorite, still, maybe he's deliberately playing down his own chances? The Belgians certainly look strong and squad wise have the strongest squad. Nys leads the world cup and Vanthourenhout, Wellens and Vantornout are all making the podiums. Ultimately it will come down to the condition of the course, a course for bike handling should see a battle between Nys and Boon, but a fast dry track could well see Al making a bid for top spot. His vistory at Zolder was on a fast dry course, more akin to his beloved MTB tracks than the glue pots favoured by Nys and Boon. So who's my pick for the mens race? Easy - Bart Wellens.

The womens race is wide open, well, as wide as the mens. It should be a straight fight between Kupfernagel and Compton, but you'd be wise to look out for Vos, back to winning ways and doubtless desperate for another rainbow jersey and Daphny van den Brand. The womens season has been, if anything, more exciting than the mens, close races have meant that on a good day the victory could go to anyone of half a dozen riders

Tenderness my ass.

In an editorial Procycling calls for some 'tenderness' for convicted dopers. The basic argument is that they are fragile human beings, they are young and have built their self esteem on riding the bike and so when their little world comes crashing down they will suffer all sorts of problems and as fellow humans we should exhibit some compassion towards them.

Lets be honest here, do we really want to see convicted dopers suffering all sorts of mental torment as their world collapses around them and they contemplate despair, desolation and loneliness?

Well I do, the bastards.


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The finish is by the burnt out car.

'The finish is by the burnt out car', was the instruction given to the riders at the last cross I went to, needless to say it wasn't in the bit of Europe across the water. Where finishes are more likely to be next to beer tents, so much more class in Belgium I always thought. In the UK the first mud baths of the season are getting under way and soon the big UCI events will be kicking off across the continent.
New teams, riders moving about and new beer tents make the coming season just as exciting as it always is.
Sometimes people stop me in the street and ask me to stop following them, sometimes they stop me in the street and ask me why I love cyclo cross so much, so here are the top reasons to go and watch a cross race across the water.

1. Beer tent, once upon a time races used to go through the beer tent, it was stopped allegedly because the fans were getting too rowdy, I suspect is the real reason was that by the time the final circuit was due most of the riders had climbed off and were now on the piss.

2. It's very, very, very hard. We all like to see some poor sap suffering on a bike, why else do we go to races? But in cross not only do they have to suffer on the bike, you get to see em carry the bikes up steeply daft hills.

3. The riders crash a lot - and you can enjoy it without feeling guilty. See a rider crash out on the road or the track and it looks painful see a rider go over the bars and face first into a swamp is as funny as seeing Hein Verbruggen fall down the stairs. (well OK maybe not that funny, I doubt if anything could be, but it's pretty rib tickling none the less).

4. Small teams don't have the win at all cost mentality of big ones and cross is full of little teams, oh sure there are the 'big' boys who are likely to win, but there are plenty there who seem just to be in it for the craic.

Look, Fidea are the worlds top cross team and this is what they have in their team bus! How good is that!!!




Hang on, I'll just get the crystal ball out and predict the future. Wait, the clouds are clearing and I see 2 monthly cycling publications, someone is opening them and wait, it can't be, it is wall to bloody wall Lance Armstrong.
I don't think you need a crystal ball to predict the next months ProCycling and Cycle Sport will be crammed cover to cover with the return of Lance, lets face it there's hardly been a month since he jacked it in that he hasn't appeared in one or the other of the UK 'premier monthly bicycle racing publications'. 'Lance running a marathon', 'Lance not running a marathon', 'Bruyneel on how he misses Lance', 'Lance on how he misses Bruyneel', 'Lance - a look back at the tour wins', 'The tour without Lance', 'Absolutely nothing about Lance this month, whoops we've just said Lance, so here's a picture of him', 'Great photos of Lance that you've seen a hundred times before', 'Blah, blah, blah' .

Over on the web cyclingnews.com has predicted that lance won't be riding for Columbia. Great, so here are my predictions of who Lance won't be riding for, 100% ME, Rapha Condor Recycling.co.uk, Team Halfords Bikehut, or Landbouwkrediet-Tönissteiner, which is a shame as Sven Nys is going there, I think Lance would be good at cross, remember Paul Sherwen wetting himself when Lance rode across a bloody field, why? It was not, as Sherwen said 'the greatest bit of bike handling ever' it was a bloke on a bike riding across a field. (Incidentally just how many times a tour does one or the other of ITV4's dynamic duo say 'I've never seen anything like this before'?).
Now Lance jumping off his bike for a few beers n the beer tent - that would be news.

What's going on in Spain?

I have no idea, Contador is in the lead, but to be honest I've been paying to more attention Paris-Bruxelles.
You see Paris-Bruxelles is the race, that, for me marks the start of the racing season, almost over are theses events when you need a triple chain set and panniers, due to long climbs and weeks in the saddle, from now on it's real racing, one day classics, track and cross all the way through until May, when we can go on our summer holidays and spend a few weeks riding round France and Italy in the sunshine.

And in the real world Swifty is about to sign for Katyusha, that is once Dave Brailsford has had a look at the contract. Not that unusual, BC tends to cast an eye over all the contracts of it's academy riders and a few of the others as well. The riders in the academy are also taught how to negotiate a contract and when they 'move on up' so to speak, they have the option of negotiating their own, most of them don't and chose to get BC involved. I'm guessing this allows for clauses about riding for the national team for worlds and Olympics' etc to be inserted. How many other national federations do that? I'll tell you - 0 that's how many. Can you imagine an Italian or French team allowing a rider to miss most of the season to prepare for the Olympics? no neither can I, over in (mainland) Europe the teams hold sway and the sponsor trumps all, so even if you're a hot favorite for an Olympic event the chances are your preparation will be compromised, oh and guess what? it was.
Yet another reason for the Nat Pro set up, so many good things to look forward to.

Talking of sponsors, I like to support them where I can, I mean they support our sport out of the goodness of their hearts don't they? Ha, ha, ha. In all seriousness when I'm out and about my business (normally standing at the side of the road shouting at cyclists) I tend to spot anything with the slightest connection to cycling and as a result am often on the lookout for the products of our more obscure sponsors. Thus I am often disappointed in our local supermarket when I am unable to find the Milram, I've never seen any Milram, have you?