Wednesday, 22 October 2008

It's going backwards.

Tour de France to finish before it starts.

To much fanfare Le Tour is going backwards.

In a new and exciting innovation this year and in keeping with the backwards theme the winner will be announced at the end of June, a week before the race actually starts. In addition all the stage winners will be awarded their bouquets before the race turns a peddle in anger. Then as the race progress and the dope testers take their inevitable toll, names and numbers will be crossed off the list and we'll see who is left come Paris.

This new innovation brings a wholly new and profitable angle to ASO's finances. This year for the first time fans will be able to bet not on who wins what, but on who fails dope tests, when they fail them and when they make their tearful confession live on TV.
In addition the announcement of the finishing order before the race starts will enable journalists to take most of July off and just publish a final GC come October (much like they do now).

Uncle Pat, the UCI, the IOC and the WADA will start to argue about the results at the end of June, thus enabling all the dust to settle and everyone to kiss and make up come the finish in Paris.

THIS JUST IN: In a shock move and in line with the new backwards policy, German TV has announced that following the results of the 2010 Tour de France they will not be showing the event in 2009.

Other top backwards news.

Scott Sunderland has left the Cervelo test team before it's even been launched.
In keeping with this new spirit of doing everything backwards Scott Sunderland has parted company with the Cervelo team before the team has been launched. He has apparently cited personal differences with several riders, none of whom have signed for the team for 2009, but all of whom would be in the team in 2010 and 2011.

Have you seen this man? You might well have seen him tomorrow, if not previously!

Leonardo Piepoli has failed to turn up for the Italian Olympic Committee (Coni) doping hearing on Wednesday (today).

When questioned at his home by the police he gave the reason that he has already appeared at the CONI hearing, infact he was there last week and it's not his fault if they haven't yet adopted the new backwards calandar that is fast finding favour in the world of professional sport.

Tomorrow the French Anti-Doping Agency will announce that Piepoli has failed a test for OPE that he will take next month.

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