Wednesday, 5 November 2008

GB boss calls for fewer Olympic events

New Olympic event unveiled.

In a shock move today, British Cycling's 'Big Boss' Dave 'BigBoss' Brailsford called for there to be fewer Olympic events.
'We believe that the current situation in cycling should be replicated in other sports.' Said Dave.
'In cycling we only have 3 track events for women, 7 fewer than for the men, so I am issuing a call for Athletics to lose the womens 200m, the womens marathon, the womens 1500m and the womens shot putt. In addition I'm calling for swimming to drop the womens 50 m backstroke, the 55 m backstroke and the 60m backstroke'.

This was countered by bosses from Athletics who claimed,
'We simply haven't got enough events, we are calling for a 150m sprint, a 250m sprint, a 500m's and events at every distance from 1000m to 4750m. After all we win stuff all at the events that already exist, so this will give us a chance to win stuff all at further events.'

In addition it has been announced that swimming will from 2012 feature a paddling pool race.

Armstrong definitely to ride Le Tour.

This web site can reveal exclusively that Lance Armstrong will be riding the 2009 Tour de France.

Although Armstrong initial enthusiasm for entering the race seemed to wain over the last few weeks events in France have helped Lance to make up his mind.

In a recent survey 70% of the French stated that they did not want Armstrong to ride le Tour, this number was enough to persuade Armstrong to sign on the dotted line for a place on the starting line for 2009.
'It's a chance I can't refuse' said Armstrong, who went on to add,
'The prospect of pissing off 70% of the French population at once is a once in a life time opportunity and one I'd be stupid to turn down.'

Bernhard Kohl is on the comeback trail - It's really beyond satire isn't it.

Any excuse for a picture of a clown.

I know it's difficult to believe but alien number 2 - Bernhard Kohl, is already planning his comeback to the world of professional cycling. His trainer has said that Kohl is targeting the Tour of Spain in 2010.

However when I contacted the organisers of the 2010 Vuelta they were a little more circumspect.
'Yes we are aware of Mr Kohl's interest in the race, infact we already have an application form in from him'
When asked what their response was, they went on to say.
'We have had to tell him no, he will not be welcome, we already have clowns booked for the children's party in Madrid anyway Mr Kohl's refusal to wear a red nose would make him ineligible.'

Time to powder your nose.

It would seem that Tornado Tom's claim that he tested positive for cocaine after someone 'spiked' his drink may be, well, a little far fetched.
Hair analysis has shown that Tommys nose and the white powder were good friend over a period of months.

However Toms manager has gone on to explain this, it seems that as a major celebrity in Belgium Tom attracted more than his fair share of stalkers, and according to his manager, it was one of these stalkers that was continually spiking his drinks.

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