Will the real Jan Ullrich please stand up!

Hey kids - just say no to dope and yes to pies.

In a move that shocked the cycling world Jan Ullrich denied using any 'doping product or method' from January to March 2003. So what are we talking about here? five, six weeks? Come on give the guy a break, I mean, when did he get time to indulge in burgers and pies.

I know the legal world is full of ass covering incomprehensible language that leaves someone not on 4000k a year confused, but what do they mean by 'method'?
Now as far as I can workout there are 3 ways of taking a 'doping product' :
1 - Via a needle, either through blood transfusion or a syringe
2 - Orally, perhaps washed down with a glass of water or a fine 68 Chateau Garin, or
3 - 'Up yer bum'

Now there's one question I'd like convicted dopers to answer, I think they should be made to reveal their preferred method of 'product delivery'

But once again fat Jan seemed confused about how his blood finished up in Fuentes fridge. Maybe someone should ask Jan if he ever remembers having a pint of the good stuff drawn out of his arm and if so when and by whom.
Ah, no, then you couldn't string the case out for a few years and earn some hefty legal fees could you.

Of course all this was just a side show in fat Jans claim for wages owed during his time at Coast (I hope Floyd got paid in full for his time there, hey fat Jan and the Whiskey drinker - must have been a fun team).
And when the case ended fat boy Jan had this to say about his former coast boss:
'Dahms is a cheat. I don't want his dirty money. Dahms lied in my face'
Too right fat Jan, well said, we don't like lairs and cheats in the world of cycling do we.

Don't look in the fridge.

Meanwhile, not a million miles away, Ivan Stevic has been handed a life ban. Now the Italian authorities say this is cos he was involved in the 'Oil for Drugs' affair. But come on guys, surely it was for his court room denials that the doping products found in his fridge can't have been his as he was out racing when they were discovered!

Brilliant defense that one, 'Sorry officer I know nothing about those dismembered bodies in my house, you see I was at work when you found them.' Er....