Monday, 15 December 2008

Cyclist to enter Grand National

Skinsuit of the year.

Cycling again swept the board at a major event. 'Team' GB's stars carried out yet another smash and grab on the worlds trophy room. This time the looting took place at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year (SPOTY) where they walked away with Team of the year, Coach of the Year, Skinsuit of the year and the overall winner of the year with Sir Chris Hoy.

But despite the continued flood of trophies heading to the Manchester bunker performance director David 'Dave' Brailsford was not happy.
'We may have won all the awards last night and had a great year, but there's still events we haven't won and I'm not happy, we have to target new events and raise the bar for the coming year.'
When asked what new events he was aiming at 'Dave' replied,
'Look at the Grand National, no cyclist has ever won it, starting in January we will be developing a team of cyclo cross specialists with a view to mounting a serious challenge for first place in 2010.', but that wasn't the only event 'Dave' had in mind.
'Water Polo is another area we've identified as ripe for 'plucking'! Using the experience of Jason Quealy we will be developing a team of under water cyclists to aim for water polo gold in 2012.'
When it was pointed out that Water Polo already had a team, 'Dave' replied 'I know, we've just signed them all to British Cycling'.

One noticeable absentee from the SPOTY ceremony was Riccardo Ricco. Ricco had been fully expected to 'walk away' with the Overseas Personality award, but in the end failed to make the shortlist of three.
The event didn't go unnoticed though, in a press statement the UCI said:
'It's a tragedy that Ricco failed to win the award, here is a man that has worked tirelessly to raise cyclings profile and make sure it is front page news throughout the world, to ignore the effort he has put in over the year is nothing short of a scandal.'
Ricco was equally dismissive :
'Throughout my career, as a junior, amateur and professional I have always tried to involve the UCI, the press and the police in my activities in an effort to make sure cycling stays where it belongs, the front page, the courts and the cells. To have my considerable efforts ignored is frankly quite upsetting, I'm off to Mexico.'

German TV's Tour coverage, now as clear as mud.

The European Broadcasting Union (EBU) has issued a statement instructing German TV to simultaneously cover and ignore the 2009 Le Tour.
A far reaching decision, that legal observers believe will reach very far, is thought to set a new precedent, in a legal way. The EBU has claimed that contracts signed between ASO and German TV are binding and therefore coverage has to take place. However it also reaffirmed the belief that the tearing up of contracts by said TV stations is also a legally binding action and as such has to be abided by.
Therefore come July all German stations will be forced to broadcast live pictures from the race whilst the commentary tells views to turn the TV off and go and do something else instead or else close their eyes, stick their fingers in their ears and go la, la, la.
In an attempt at a compromise measure German TV is thought to be in the process of signing David Duffield. The plan being to allow 'Duffers' to talk over the pictures, or provide 'commentary' as it is sometimes called, thereby confusing the whole issue to such an extent that no one will know what's happening or indeed what race they are watching.

2009 Giro - what do the teams really think.

Following the presentation of the 2009 Giro route the stars and water carriers have expressed their views on an event that many are calling a 'bike race'. (please not that all translations may not be 100% accurate, thanks Google!)
First off the blocks were the Astana camp who issued a statement saying:
'We have some riders in our team, the Giro is a race, there will be weather and mountains.'
However not to be out done Gilberto Simoni called a press conference where he said:
' I believe that if a race is a race, than to win it you have to want to race in the race, and must come in the mountains'.
Marzio Bruseghin expressed himself:
'Last year I had security, again, the race is me and I am demanding hard'
Gianni Savio, Team Manager of Diquigiovanni, all around good guy, man about town and style icon has said:
'I have instructed my riders to touch. The pink jersey, the race, Simioni is a man, he can if he wants and climbing.'

More top translations next week.


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