Wednesday, 21 January 2009

SRM - so much to answer for, apparently.

There's life in the old dog yet.

In a shock move today Ivan Basso has admitted that he has blood in his body. The former dog owner, who has recently returned to bike racing after serving a ban for taking his dog to the 'Vets' once too often has admitted on-line that following tests by 'Top Docs' his vains have been found to contain blood.

'I was totally shocked by the result' Basso may well have said. He may well have gone on to say,
'I was as surprised as the next man to have found blood in my system, but in the spirit of transparency and openness that we have all willingly signed up to in an effort to keep our jobs, sorry, I mean rid the sport of cheats, I have decided to make these result available to everyone.'

The UCI, via an anonymous spokesman, has called on other riders to be as open a Basso.
'I call on other riders to be as open as Basso' Said the anonymous person.
'It is only by publishing totally irrelevant numbers, that are incomprehensible, confusing, bare no relationship to power output and are possibly made up that the sport can advance to a bright new tomorrow.'
When asked about power output and why there has been no demand for it to be published the response was,
'No one understands power charts, and so publishing more information that no one can make head or tail of is a pointless activity, it would just cause confusion, encourage time wasting and could well be used as a smokescreen for other activities.'
When asked what other activities could be hidden behind a smokescreen of power graphs the response was,
'Well for a start Art theft, forgery of currency, prostitution and the take over of small Latin American countries by armed militias. All of these can by hidden behind power output charts, SRM has a lot to answer for!'

Armstrong or Operation Puerto, who's made the most comebacks?

Lance Armstrong may be good, he may well be very good and he maybe having a comeback, but lest face it he's still got a long way to go to have made as many comebacks as Operation Puerto.

Puerto is now on it's tenth comeback and with each comeback there is a collective tightening of the buttocks in certain sections of the peloton.

With each comeback the number of riders heading for the hills, looking to retire or combine both and race in Portugal increases.
Throw a net over a race in Portugal and the chances are you'll catch at least a couple of riders riding under assumed names, riders who have recently paid a visit to the animal sanctuary and traded in their dog for a cat.

So whilst I applaud the return of Puerto, I question whether anything will come of it. Well actually I don't as I firmly believe that despite the regular comebacks Puerto will never deliver the results many (all?) of us had hoper for, that is the arrest and trial of not just cyclist, but footballers, tennis players and anyone else who was named in the initial investigation.
Still, I fully expect WADA to be making a statement soon, oh wait, here it is.
'Let's have dinner, hell, lets have a bottle of wine as well.'
And that's about as far as they'll go, isn't it. Why rock the boat when you can have a nice expense account meal and a little afternoon nap at your desk.


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