Monday 13 July 2009

Rest Day is the best day to talk bollocks

Monday - a day to put your feet up, a day to spin out those legs with a few easy miles, a day to talk to the press and tell them how great you are, how much your team loves you, a day to tell the world how great you are, a day to smile at the press and a day to tell the universe how great you are.

Do it yourself Tour de France Press conference.
Can't make it to a Tour press conference? Here's my own 'cut out and keep' DIY make your own press conference kit. Just sit down opposite you favourite invisible friend and utter some of the following phrases for that full Tour press fest effect.

There is no disharmony in the team
We are riding for each other
The best rider will be team leader
I'm feeling strong
I'm coming back next year
I may not win but I'm coming back next year
I will overcome any disharmony to finish strongly and come back next year
With my own team
That will do exactly as the management, sorry, as I say
And they won't ask any questions
And now if you could please form a queue
It's kissy kissy time

Next year you'll want one of these, no seriously you will.


This is a bicycle, a bicycle made by Giant, a bicycle approved by the UCI.

Well the first 2 statements are true. The third is open to question, Giant have said it's approved by the UCI, but the question is who did they ask? Cos you can bet you bottom Euro that if they'd have asked two members of the UCI technical committee they would have got 2 different answers. Still, it's a beauty eh?
Oh you think not?
Pierre-Henri Medas, Giant’s Global Road Category Manager says: “..the bike would be built solely for function, without concern about design aesthetics." So let's get one thing straight here, Giant have a job title that is Global Road Category Manager? Is that one of those management jobs where they stuck a load of words in a hat, pulled a few out at random and bingo, that's your job title?

Now it's all well and good making a bike that is built for function, but come on, for the average punter, the average weekend warrior function doesn't really come into it.
As long as it's basically bike shape we're happy. Function and UCI approval fall a long way behind aesthetics. What's the point of having a bike that is so functional that other cyclists piss them selves laughing when you ride by? What's the point of having a bike so functional that you develop the nickname 'twatty' as a result of riding it? What's the point of having a bike that's so ugly that you're embarrassed to be seen riding it? What's the point of having a bike that you don't want to shag?

Surely the only consideration when buying a bike is what does it look like? Colour, aesthetic lines, angles and finish are the only things that matter.
Oh and there are a few other points as well here.
One: if you're crap at TTing, you will still be crap, perhaps a couple of seconds faster, but still crap.
Two: If you don't train properly ie. specifically for your TT event then it ain't gonna make a dead fish of a difference what you ride.
Three: Giant say: it 'puts the rider in the most aerodynamic position of any bike currenly on the market'. Er no, sorry, but no! A bike will not put a rider in the most aerodynamic position it may well allow a rider to attain the best aero position for them, but that's it. If you want a great aero position get into a wind tunnel, or employ a good coach. The assumption from Giant is that low is best, low = faster. Well not always. You can get low, but if you have a curved back and you get too low you will disrupt the air flow and actually get more drag (ie. go slower) that if you had a more upright position.

Any news on the Sky team?

Er not yet

.

1 comment:

Mark Liversedge said...

I think it looks fantastic.

For info, in consumer and retail circles a category manager is a well defined term. Global and Road go without saying.

Oh, and for the average punter I think the price might be the biggest put off!!!!!!!!!!!!