First year pro threatens to win Tour de France

In a move that shocked the world of cycling first year pro Lance Armstrong announced that he will personally fill the first eighteen places in this years Le Tour.
Armstrong went on to say that he was doing this as a favor to Johan Bruyneel.
Bruyneel, hot favorite to win the Nobel prize for literature following the publication of 'We might as well eat some cheese', was a major influence on Armstrong's early career, teaching him both how to ride a bike and how to switch on his blackberry.
'I owe Johan a lot.' said Lance, 'and I figure what better way of paying him back than by taking the first eighteen places at le Tour on his behalf'.
When it was suggested that this might not be in the best interests of the sport Lance responded, 'How can that be, Johan is the very spirit of cycling, so what's good for Johan is good for cycling.' 'Also, I'll be leaving the mountains jersey and points jersey for someone else to win.' Upon being asked if he'd forgotten about the white jersey Lance replied 'Oh yeah, I'll be winning that as well, don't forget I'm a first year pro and Johan has told me that I qualify on that basis.'

Boris Johnson to ride national 12 hour TT champs.

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is, like many a politician desperate to attract votes, a big fan of cycling. But Borris has taken his interest in the bicycle to the next 'logical' step and entered the National 12 hour championships.
'I fell in love with cycling as soon as I realised there were votes in it.' Said a flustered Johnson. 'I wanted a challenge that would stretch me, the bounds of reality, they patience of the voting public and set an example to fat chaps that didn't bother to vote correctly. So it was with this in mind that I entered the National 12 hour championships. I've been getting personal training advice from Chris Boardman, who, even though he's from Liverpool has won a gold medal at the Olympics and is therefor essential to my public image, sorry, I mean, to me doing a good time.'
When asked exactly what form of training he was undertaking he replied:
'I've decided that Derny training is the best for both speed and endurance, so with that in mind I've opened up the bike lanes in London to motorcycles so I don't look out of place when I go training.'

RTTC keeping up with the modern times.
Over the years the world of time trialing has had to endure several setbacks. Falling numbers at events, smaller prize funds, restrictions on which roads can be used and the loss of NASA as a major sponsor have all dented the image of Time Trialing.
It shouldn't be forgotten though that it was time trialing, and especially the longer distance events of 100 miles as well as 12 and 24 hours that Lord Chris Hoy and Duchess Victoria Pendleton used as preparation for the Olympic triumph. Indeed wasn't it Jamie Staff that said thanks to the Merseyside 24 hour event I was able to set the fastest time ever for one lap of the velodrome.
So it is much pleasure that we can congratulate the TTC on the use of a new font on their web site.



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Cavendish not on podium shocker.....

It's never a sure thing is it? So for all those that are now sleeping in tents after putting their houses on Cav's 3rd stage win in Missouri, I am truly sorry. But lets face it, if you're gonna be beaten, being beaten by someone called Boy will at least put a smile on your face.

For a 3rd win you had to be over in the UK for Le tour de Britain, where the continually impressive Edvald Boasson Hagen notched up win number three for Columbia. Cast your mind back to the start of the season (well January) and there were predictions that they'd never win anything, 'Riders too young' , 'not enough experience' and now, more wins than any other team on the circuit, more future stars than anyone else, the future really is blue.

Whilst ITV 4's coverage limps along, Hugh is finally warming to the task, poor fella must have been knackered all the works he's been getting this year, he even managed to pass a comment about Steve Cummings getting an early night in preparation for the days attack, an oblique reference to other riders who were apparently up well past their bed time maybe?

It's Sunday morning and I have yet to notice a Lance to return update story on the news services, perhaps the lines are down? This will, in case you're concerned, be the major topic of cycling related news in the non-cycling media until next July and you can bet that the editors of the monthly cycling mags are 'licking their lips' (Copyright Hugh Porter) at the prospect of more Lance filled pages, although if you are a regular reader of ProCycling or Cycle Sport you'd hard pressed to know that he in fact retired three years ago, as barely a month seems to go by without one article of another heading down Texas way for a while.
Meanwhile, in the sticks (or Spain), Contador takes the lead and looks favorite to go all the way to the finish in yellow. So that'll be two grand tours this year to go with the 07 Le Tour, I bet he can't wait to play second fiddle come July 09. I'd love to see the wording of his contract or be a fly on the wall at his next meeting with Bruyneel.

It is Bruyneel of course who this year made a major contribution to the world of cycling literature, with the publication of 'We might as well win'.
It is perhaps a major point in the history of cycling related publishing as I don't recall having ever read a cycling related book that is so bad.
I mean, good lick to Johan, his book has been written with the aim of reaching a specific market. But what is that market? Well if you have ever ridden a bike, know how many wheels one has or have heard of any cyclist other than Lance Armstrong you are going to be over qualified for this little number.
The book starts from the premise that you know nothing of cycling, which is useful, because when yo have finished the book, you'll know noting about cycling. So good luck to Johan, I hope he sells many millions of copies and that this publication success convinces him that he never need write another book again.
Meanwhile I would urge the publishers to place a warning on the front, something about 'stating the bleeding obvious' would be useful.