GB boss calls for fewer Olympic events

New Olympic event unveiled.


In a shock move today, British Cycling's 'Big Boss' Dave 'BigBoss' Brailsford called for there to be fewer Olympic events.
'We believe that the current situation in cycling should be replicated in other sports.' Said Dave.
'In cycling we only have 3 track events for women, 7 fewer than for the men, so I am issuing a call for Athletics to lose the womens 200m, the womens marathon, the womens 1500m and the womens shot putt. In addition I'm calling for swimming to drop the womens 50 m backstroke, the 55 m backstroke and the 60m backstroke'.

This was countered by bosses from Athletics who claimed,
'We simply haven't got enough events, we are calling for a 150m sprint, a 250m sprint, a 500m's and events at every distance from 1000m to 4750m. After all we win stuff all at the events that already exist, so this will give us a chance to win stuff all at further events.'

In addition it has been announced that swimming will from 2012 feature a paddling pool race.

Armstrong definitely to ride Le Tour.

This web site can reveal exclusively that Lance Armstrong will be riding the 2009 Tour de France.

Although Armstrong initial enthusiasm for entering the race seemed to wain over the last few weeks events in France have helped Lance to make up his mind.

In a recent survey 70% of the French stated that they did not want Armstrong to ride le Tour, this number was enough to persuade Armstrong to sign on the dotted line for a place on the starting line for 2009.
'It's a chance I can't refuse' said Armstrong, who went on to add,
'The prospect of pissing off 70% of the French population at once is a once in a life time opportunity and one I'd be stupid to turn down.'

Bernhard Kohl is on the comeback trail - It's really beyond satire isn't it.

Any excuse for a picture of a clown.



I know it's difficult to believe but alien number 2 - Bernhard Kohl, is already planning his comeback to the world of professional cycling. His trainer has said that Kohl is targeting the Tour of Spain in 2010.

However when I contacted the organisers of the 2010 Vuelta they were a little more circumspect.
'Yes we are aware of Mr Kohl's interest in the race, infact we already have an application form in from him'
When asked what their response was, they went on to say.
'We have had to tell him no, he will not be welcome, we already have clowns booked for the children's party in Madrid anyway Mr Kohl's refusal to wear a red nose would make him ineligible.'

Time to powder your nose.

It would seem that Tornado Tom's claim that he tested positive for cocaine after someone 'spiked' his drink may be, well, a little far fetched.
Hair analysis has shown that Tommys nose and the white powder were good friend over a period of months.

However Toms manager has gone on to explain this, it seems that as a major celebrity in Belgium Tom attracted more than his fair share of stalkers, and according to his manager, it was one of these stalkers that was continually spiking his drinks.

Is Lance the new Dr Who?

Is Dick Pound considering a comeback?


In a 'shock' announcement today (That's shock as in we all new it was going to happen, just that no one dare say it) 'TVs' David Tennant has announced that he will be leaving the DR Who role at the end of 09.
Immediately there was a flurry of activity as the bookies started taking bets on who would take over. I of course have my own views on this news.

I think it's no coincidence that the post of Dr Who becomes available at a time when the 'comeback' season will be drawing to an end.
The Dr is, after all, one of the great survivors and has made at least 10 comebacks in his life. Surely Lance won't want to endure another season playing water carrier to AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto). So the position must appeal to him, OK so the Tardis is hardly up there with the latest Trek in terms of performance, but there's nothing a little tweaking in the wind tunnel can't fix. Also the chance to repeatedly save the world from alien invasion on a weekly basis is surely the next logical step in Lances career.

So who would be the Dr's assistant? Well Johan Bruyneel is hardly going to win any awards for glamor (unless he awards them himself) but when it comes to screaming and running away I think he has all the skills needed, after all spending time with Vino, the king of screaming and running away, must have had some effect.

So we have a man to save the world and a slightly dim witted assistant, but who would be the evil villains bent on planetary destruction? Oh so many to chose from, but if we're casting Lance as the Dr than his nemesis or rather his Davros has got to be Dick Pound. It's a match made in heaven. Dick Pound doesn't just come with a comic name (always good for a villain) but he was very good at scaring people to death, look at the effect he had on the average Tour de France peloton if he turned up unannounced, lot's of running to the toilet and looking for pet dogs. Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but again our Dick, finds himself at a bit of a lose end as well, coincidence?



Famous BBC comics in prank phone call shocker.

It has been revealed today that two of the BBC's most respected broadcasters have been indulging in a little late night phone prankary.

It has been revealed that top BBC comedy duo Hugh Porter and Gary Sutton have been caught on tape making prank phone calls to respected veteran broadcaster Paul Sherwen.

Porter and Sutton, famed throughout the broadcasting world for their madcap comedy approach to bicycle racing have allegedly made a series of 'rude' and 'insulting' calls to TV veteran Paul Sherwen.

Porter and Sutton, who's catch phrases include, 'What's going on?', 'Who's that on the bike' and the hilarious 'Nurse, it's time for my nap', allegedly made the series of calls late one night during their their midnight show 'Hand slinging for beginners'.
During the calls they suggested that Shrewen had 'never won a rainbow jersey' , 'spends too much time down that bloody mine' and 'looks slightly confused when ever he's on camera' .

Much respected veteran Sherwen is said to he been hurt and insulted by the actions of the mad cap comedy duo;
'I'm hurt and insulted by the actions of the mad cap comedy duo' said Sherwen today.

The BBC has been snowed under with a total of 1 complaint (a Mrs Sherwen from Cheshire) and as a result have taken both Porter and Sutton off the air. Their late night slot will be filled by the up and comming young gun David Duffield who will present a show called 'Nuclear and quantum physics and theire applications in tyre inflation'

When asked to comment the Primeminister Mr Gordon Brown said 'helllllpppppp'.

That Tour de France presentation zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The crowd at yet another riveting Tour presentation.


There was a time when the Tour de France presentation consisted of a few town names scribbled on a back of a cigarette packet and handed out to riders at the start of the first stage.

Oh how times have changed. Nowadays a crowd that wouldn't shame a bunch of has been stadium rockers sits in rapture as that nice Mr Prudhomme explains in detail the twists, turns, highs and lows of the route and the reasons for their inclusion.

Now in the past I've read the news reports and looked at the pictures of the great, the good and the scum of world cycling sitting agog as the route is presented to them.
Wow I've thought, this looks fun, I'll have to watch it live. And, so this year, thanks to the living miracle that is Cycling.TV (motto: 3 years in beta) I set aside time in my diary and sat back for what promised to be a once in a lifetime experience.

Now there are many reasons pro cyclists take dope, these include, they are cheating scum, they are bastards and they are piss taking twats who deserve a good kicking. But now I have seem a Le Tour presentation I can add another reason to the list, Being out of your tree is a good way to get through that crap and not let it affect you. Boring? Boring? God, it was like nothing I'd ever seen on earth. I've seen some dire presentations in my time, but little to rival the mind numbing cobblers that is a Le Tour presentation.
Of course this could have been partly due to the quality of the CTV feed, which was junk, but even with a full HD, super surround sound extravaganza I think it still would have been like replacing your saddle with a cheese grater and going on a 200k training ride.

The whole thing could have been neatly summed up and all over inside 10 minutes, but hey, if you have assembled the worlds media, most of the world's potential tour riders and a few of their dogs (say hi Molly.) You have to justify your existence don't you.

Next year they should go back to the cigarette packet routine, it's got to be the way forward in the anti doping fight.



Pinky and Perky assess that Tour route in Full.

So, to put a little more flesh on the bare bones, so to say. Here are the details of the 09 Tour de France in full.

Total length: 3,450 kilometers

Time trialling: 55 kilometers individual, 38 team time trialling

Mountain top finishes: three

Days of mountain climbing: eight - three in the Pyrenees, three in the Alps, one in the Jura, one up the Mont Ventoux

Number of rest days: two

Number of stages won by riders who subsequently fail dope tests: 5

Number of jerseys won by riders who subsequently fail dope tests 1

Number of riders having inappropriate relationships with their dogs: 1

Number of riders blaming dogs/whiskey/grandmothers/aliens for failed tests: 3

Number of times Cadel Evans threatens a journalist: 27

Number of times a French rider will launch a suicide break: 237

Number of French suicide breaks that will succeed: 2

Number of Lance Armstrongs riding: 0

Number of times Pinky and Perkey (Phil and Paul), will claim they 'have never seen anything like that before': 17

Number of giant cocks painted on the route: 4 (down from a 2006 high of 54).

I wanna ride the 2012 Olympics Dad.

The true spirit of the Olympics.

It's the reception area of the Manchester Velodrome, it's late afternoon and a father and his 14 year old son walk in. Along with the reception team and the duty manger there are a couple of coaches hanging around.
'Who do I speak to about my son?' ask the obviously proud father.
'Er, what do you want?'
'I think he could be good for the 2012 Olympics' says a beaming dad.
'Right, does he do any bike racing?'
'Oh no, he just rides a mountain bike socially every now and then, but I think he's going to be really good.'

I think he was pointed in the direction of one of the junior clubs that operate out of 'Gold medal City'. But I believe the call to tell Brad Wiggins to forget the trip down to London was put on hold.

Meanwhile there was a guy who told us all how fit he was from running and how he wanted to get into bike racing. But as winter was approaching there's nothing but cross and track. The track didn't appeal to him and he liked the idea of running through mud.
So a few lessons on doing a running dismount / mount, a borrowed set of wheels and he lined up at his first race, having taken time to tell us that he 'could do something here'
He rolls in 29th out of 30 and whilst I personally I would consider this a great triumph, he seemed very unhappy and looked slightly gray.
'It was too hard' was his response to the 'how was it? question. Good, he was obviously in the right race then.


The track, actually harder than it looks, apparently.


And just last week I was running a training session at Manchester Velodrome and had a couple of guys along who'd never ridden the track before. Both loved it and wanted to come back for more, but they confessed to finding it 'a lot harder than it looks on TV.' Er......

All of these are, I guess, examples of the Olympic spirit (a type of liquor brewed in Greece) slopping over the edge of the glass and trickling down to the lives of ordinary people, just like what the IOC claim it will do. Whatever you may think about these or similar events, it's great to be involved in a sport that people want to take part in. Indeed, a sport that people are clamoring to take part in. Oh happy days. Stuff like this puts a smile on my face, it really does.

Oh yes he is, oh no he isn't, oh yes he is, oh no he isn't

The pantomime season is upon us.

As the winter approaches theaters across the UK are gearing up for the pantomime season. Suddenly seats that have remained empty due to an excess of Shakespeare and an over reliance on local amateur dramatics will have backsides on them as Aladdin, Cinderella and their chums run through their paces. Men will dress up as fat women, women will dress up as young boys and the audience will will scream with delight and shout out 'behind you'. (similar shouts could be heard at the Saunier Duval team bus during July).

In cycling we like to keep up with the times and so we have our own pantomimes. There are the annual favorites; stories of family feuds between Uncle Pat and the ASO, sagas of riders running away from dope testers at Le Tour and the annual comedy of German cyclists getting busted. But this year we have a new pantomime that is sure to get the kids flocking to the cheap seats. This year instead of Puss in Boots (I don't suggestyou use that as a Google search term) We have Lance at le Tour.

Lance at le Tour started a couple of months ago with a slightly odd announcement that Lance was to make a return to the sport and ride Le Tour, this shortly turned into a return to cycling and riding le Tour to win. Not a bad start, but then as the weeks progressed it went from riding le Tour to win to, riding the whole season with le Tour as the highlight. Then it became riding the whole season over 5 continents and riding the Giro as well as le Tour. This became riding the whole season aiming to win the Giro and maybe riding le Tour to help another rider, which of course became riding the Giro to win as team leader and supporting the leader at le Tour.
This then turned into riding the Giro to win and maybe not le Tour, which of course became; riding the Giro to win and only 50/50 for le Tour. - Phew....

And we still have 6 months to go. Over the coming weeks we can expect the 50/50 for le Tour to become 100% not riding, but Lance will be there every day to offer support to AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto). This will change into 100% not riding, but Lance will be there on the key stages, which will by June be; 'Tour de what? Never heard of it.'

Hung, Drawn and Quartered.

In a move as unexpected as Uncle Pat winning Ireland's got talent, the Italian rider's association, the AACPI has called for dopers to be kicked out the sport for life.

Their letter to Uncle Pat is here: Letter to the UCI (from Velonews).

There's not much to say about that is there? I could be churlish and say 'about time' or 'it's a bit late' or 'as if it will have any effect', but I won't. Instead I'll welcome it, yes there will still be Italian riders that dope, just as aliens number 1 and 2 continued to do when the Gerolsteiner team had a strong anti doping line. But open anti doping statements, longer bans and the like will have an effect on some riders. I'm not naive enough to believe such words on their own will win the 'war' but they will go some way to altering the prevailing mind set and as such are to be welcomed.
Others, I'm sure, will pick over the statement word by word, compare it's fine words against the actions of certain members of the AACPI and so on, but I'm happy it's been said and I'll leave it at that. This pantomime will continue, no doubt, but maybe we could start to believe in angels again one day.

UCI and ASO; that meeting in full.

Pat McQuaid of the UCI and Jean Etienne of ASO patch up their differences.


So the UCI and ASO have had a love in, nice.... (I'll apologise if you're reading this after you've just eaten and the vision of Uncle Pat getting down to do the dirty is upsetting you, but there you go).
They have both been busy issuing statement listing their various positions (!!!!!) and in case you missed them, or in ces you didn't understand them, I'll translate:


Things are excellent,There is a charm offensive on both sides. Said Uncle Pat. What he means is:
I still hate the bastard. But at least I've stopped kicking his dog.

We are very happy and very content with the way we are communicating with them, and they likewise feel the same about the way they are communicating with us:
We are now in the same room, but we are still screaming insults at each other. We had a buffet and we finished up throwing cake at each other. Mum says I can have jelly for tea.

"We had a meeting in Paris on Monday. I met with Jean Etienne, the new president of ASO, and one of the directors of the EPA. We had a discussion about various elements such as next year's calendar and they also explained their objectives with the Tour presentation.
I passed that twat Etienne in the street, I kicked him and said their Tour presentation was crap.

The route is interesting.
Call that a race route? My 4 year old nephew could come up with a better race than that.

And so on...... the words piss up and brewery spring to mind.

It's going backwards.

Tour de France to finish before it starts.


To much fanfare Le Tour is going backwards.

In a new and exciting innovation this year and in keeping with the backwards theme the winner will be announced at the end of June, a week before the race actually starts. In addition all the stage winners will be awarded their bouquets before the race turns a peddle in anger. Then as the race progress and the dope testers take their inevitable toll, names and numbers will be crossed off the list and we'll see who is left come Paris.

This new innovation brings a wholly new and profitable angle to ASO's finances. This year for the first time fans will be able to bet not on who wins what, but on who fails dope tests, when they fail them and when they make their tearful confession live on TV.
In addition the announcement of the finishing order before the race starts will enable journalists to take most of July off and just publish a final GC come October (much like they do now).

Uncle Pat, the UCI, the IOC and the WADA will start to argue about the results at the end of June, thus enabling all the dust to settle and everyone to kiss and make up come the finish in Paris.

THIS JUST IN: In a shock move and in line with the new backwards policy, German TV has announced that following the results of the 2010 Tour de France they will not be showing the event in 2009.

Other top backwards news.

Scott Sunderland has left the Cervelo test team before it's even been launched.
In keeping with this new spirit of doing everything backwards Scott Sunderland has parted company with the Cervelo team before the team has been launched. He has apparently cited personal differences with several riders, none of whom have signed for the team for 2009, but all of whom would be in the team in 2010 and 2011.

Have you seen this man? You might well have seen him tomorrow, if not previously!

Leonardo Piepoli has failed to turn up for the Italian Olympic Committee (Coni) doping hearing on Wednesday (today).

When questioned at his home by the police he gave the reason that he has already appeared at the CONI hearing, infact he was there last week and it's not his fault if they haven't yet adopted the new backwards calandar that is fast finding favour in the world of professional sport.

Tomorrow the French Anti-Doping Agency will announce that Piepoli has failed a test for OPE that he will take next month.

Blame the Italians

My first bike


People get into bike racing for a variety of reasons, in my case it's all the fault of the Italians.
As a kid I was vaguely aware that bikes existed, but due to the impoverished nature of my childhood I didn't get a bike until my teenage years. Now I didn't come from a family with a cycling history, in fact a lack of cash prevented anyone from having a bike.
Now I knew I wanted a bike, I'd asked for one for Christmas, but there was a general uncertainty about what they looked like. This coupled with the lack of money meant that on December 25th what I actually got was a cardboard box with the word BICYCLE written on the side. The bottom had been cut out and I would climb into it and hang it from my shoulders with string. I would then join my street mates, all with their cardboard box bikes, in running around pretending to be Maurice Garin and making bike noises. Initially this consisted of a lot of crunching sounds, until one kid turned up with a small cardboard box with oil written on the side, after that we were all as silent as the night.
Of course there was always that one family which had a bit more cash than the rest of us, their kids had a cardboard boxes with Colnago written on the side.

As I got older I left the world of cardboard bikes behind, they were never that good in the rain and moved onto other things.
Then in the early 80's I was on a motorbike (not made of cardboard you'll be pleased to learn) crossing the Alps into Italy and where the tree line met the July snow I passed a group of cyclists in matching club kit. I was struck by the image and it was a life changing moment, never before had I considered riding a bike seriously. But here with the breathtaking beauty of the Alps and at an altitude that I thought you'd need oxygen to get to there were cyclists. That you could ride a bike, look cool and have fun this high up in the worlds most beautiful scenery was a revelation. My fate was pretty much sealed after that, no more relaxing holidays in the sun no more surplus in the bank account, oh no, from now on holidays involved 'getting the miles in' and the bank manager wondered at my sanity as I'd spend weekend after weekend racing all over the British Isles or watching obscure races in Belgium, Holland , France or Italy. Now days I spend my weekends coaching and my evening's getting my head around power meters and VO2's. Life was much simplier when I had a cardboard box.



Cardboard has come a long way, I still prefer my original though.

The winning lottery numbers are.......(ask Contador)

You too can state the blindingly obvious.

In a statement that would have impressed any fair ground palm reader AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) has said that should Alexander Vinokourov return to Astana there could well be problems. Tune in tomorrow when he'll be giving you the lottery numbers and which shares are actually going to rise.

The other view of this resolves less around AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) ability to see the future and more to do with a slow news day, or indeed a slow news week. As the road season draws to a well over due close there is little to keep the assembled news hacks busy other than thoughts of their hols and a round of beers at the Amsterdam six.

It will be interesting to see if the prediction does however come true, thats the Vinokourov one not the lottery numbers. It's known that he's still training and we can only suspect that he's invested in a new all black wardrobe for the purpose. So will he ride next year? I seriously doubt it, if he does intend to he has to notify the UCI of his intended return 6 months in advance, he'll then need to give it a further 6 months whilst uncle Pat stops laughing, so it's gonna be end '09 at the earliest. At which point the UCI will realise that he was never given the two year ban he so richly deserved. No I don't think we'll see Vino back in the peloton for anyone other than Rock Racing, who of course won't be here to stay in 2010.

Take me to your leader (Part 2)

In a move as unsurprising as AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) ability to see the future, Alien number 2 has admitted that he acted alone in his use of CERA. His personal manager, his team manager and even his dog new nothing of it. I can not begin to describe how upset I was by this confession, I was seriously hoping for an excuse that defied all logic and involved pet hamsters, a mystery 2nd cousin living in China and a mysterious doctor by the name of Glockenspiel. I think the UCI should stick an extra 6 months on the ban as punishment for a lack of imagination (this to be added to a further 6 months for being an ugly son of a bitch).

It will be interesting to see what happens come the end of 2010, will alien number 2 be looking to a return to pro cycling? Well I suspect that he will, he's not got much else in the locker and unless he has a sex change operation and takes up pole dancing in Munich there doesn't' seem much alternative. So 2010, what will the peloton look like? Will Lance still be coming back? Will there be a harder line on doping? Well of the 2 I suspect the latter will be more likely. The crunch may be over (ask Contador on that) and sponsors will be embracing cycling as a healthy, green, pollution free form of transport that enhances their public image and market share. (See sometimes it sounds like I know what I'm talking about, ha). So will there be a place for weird looking ex-dopers with no imagination?

And the winning number is....

As I have not been consulting AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) I didn't win the lottery. but none the less found myself looking at very (make that, very, very, very, very) expensive houses, that are way (make that, way, way, way, way) beyond my means. You know how this starts, you're looking to move and you suddenly say 'hay, what if I had an unlimited budget?' From then on in it's all down hill.
So what I did discover that with a starting budget of £5m I could get the following, house - 1 very big, acreage - at least 100, swimming pool - 1, tennis courts - 4 and stables - at least 2. Throw in a couple of normal size houses for servants etc and you get you're average Yorkshire country estate. What did strike me was this; people who seem to have unlimited cash don't seem to have stuff that would interest me. OK I could convert the stables into a gym, but there was no mention of a Cyclo Cross courses on the estate, no details of XC or downhill routes across the parkland and not a hint of a personal velodrome. I then took part in a discussion with my non cycling 'other half' about the pros and cons of building my own personal velodrome in the event of winning big at the weekend. Just think, we could have watched 'Britain's got talent'.

Reasons to be grateful for Stefan Schumacher, no honestly.

If you were heading to the Manchester round of the World Cup and feeling a little down in the mouth about not seen Brad Wiggins riding, Stefan Schumacher can put a smile on your face.
Brad was scheduled to ride the Munich six with Eric (I once saw the letters E,P and O written on a sheet of paper) Zabel . But since Schumachers fine performance in totally buggering up German cycling there has been a sponsors withdrawal and as a result some of the 'more expensive' riders are getting the week off. Result Brad is at a lose end and will be turning the legs over at Manchester. Weh hey, that must put an extra few quid on the value of my tickets, not that I intend to sell them...... (Email address at the bottom)

Tears for souvenirs.

Tears are not enough, tears are not enough.


Bernard Kohl is welcomed back to the peloton.


Well alien number 2 (Kohl) has admitted that he doped. Er, yep, we all kind of new that already. Anyway, just to show there's no hard feelings he has made a tearful confession and admitted that he 'succumbed to temptation'. So that's alright then is it?

Whilst we had tears, a good helping of excuses and a lot of feeling sorry for himself, what we didn't have were any apologies. Apologies to the riders who lives he's managed to damage. The track riders who have lost a 6-day race, the riders now unemployed since the pull out of sponsors, the riders and fans who have lost the Deutschland Tour. Oh no, it was all about how terrible alien number 2 felt and what terrible pressure he was under. Still he did say he wanted to clean the slate, so everything's OK.

So will increasing the ban for doping to four years and a raft of new tests, including the alleged one for autologous transfusions rid us of the plague? Obviously not, but any steps that make it harder to dope, any measures that increase the risk of dopers being caught and any increase in deterrents are to be welcomed.
You could introduce the death penalty for doping and there would still be idiots who would be willing to take the risk, in sport so as in life. There's little can do as fans, except abuse busted dopers from the roadside, an activity, which is great fun for all the family, next time you're at a race try it, it's a great way of letting off steam.

Have you spoken to Lance recently?

So the Tour de Britain route is announced for 09 and with it the news that they have invited Lance to ride. Good idea, I mean he's gonna be short on miles come September and I'm sure he'd love to risk life and limb riding round the UK's semi closed roads. My club is thinking of sending him a mail, we've got a time trial that could do with a shot of extra publicity and Lance must have a free Sunday in July now.

Still the ToB joins what must be a bulging in box over at Lance towers, surely there can't be a race in the world that hasn't invited Lance to ride. The only way he'll be able to fulfill all the requests is to indulge in a spot of cloning, currently not on the UCI list of banned activities, but soon to be added I suspect if Lance gets interested. Now I may well have misunderstood what was said, but aren't the Tyler Hamilton twins a product of a cloning experiment gone horribly wrong?

A match made in heaven.

I don't know, you wait all you life for a gold medal and then two come along at once. Nicole Cook has announced her new team for 2009, it was an announcement that took just about every cycling pundit in the business (all 2 of 'em) by surprise. There had been speculation about who she'd ride for following the withdrawal of Halfords from womens racing, which in it's self was a strange move you'd have thought. But I don't think anyone saw the link up with Swift racing. Talk about 'left field' (apologies to my US readers if I got the phrase wrong.).

Nicole's press release is here Vision 1 Racing
In it she talks about it being 'time to give something back to the sport' . Which must make Nicole the first person under the age of 30 to say they are giving something back, it's normally a euphemism for 'I'm too old to race, I'll promote an event and do some coaching' (well it is in my case :-) )

The right one.

It's a great, great move. One for which I can't quite find enough praise. One that when you look at it logically makes a lot of sense for everybody concerned.
First the link up with Swift: I mentioned last week that Swift were offering you the chance to help fund their team for 09 ( Own Our Team ), Swift are a great team and they are doing things the right way, they have a base in Belgium and live the whole season out there training hard and showing total commitment to bike racing, they deserve a lot of success.
Second for Nicole: In Swift / Vision 1 there's the perfect match up in terms of up and coming riders, a great ethos and a management structure that shares Nicole's aims and ambitions. There is no doubt that she will have excellent support in races, but equally there is no doubt that the set-up will prove poivitol in the development of British riders with a view to 2012 and beyond.
Financially it makes sense for everybody. For Swift it will help generate extra sponsors and for Nicole it will give her a stable base for the next four years. There's not a lot of money in womens bike racing, even with double gold as a calling card I doubt that Nicole would be commanding a salary much above that of the average team rider, so as money is not an issue there are other things that make a team the right one.

But it's the prospect of rider development that appeals to me. The girls that rode with Nicole in Halfords / GB colours this year undoubtedly benefited immensely and to be able to have a continuity over several years in that development will pay dividends for all concerned.

Finches, as an alternative to those long winter miles.



Excited by yesterdays finch related news? Want to get into singing finches? (It involves less training than bike racing, so could be appealing).
You need to go here. The home of finch related sporting equipment.

Cycling - apparently not popular in Belgium.

Finches, just in case anyone asks

It's hard to know where to begin with cobbles, isn't it? Oh come on, would you know where to start? Right, so why should I?

Ask any racing cyclist where the heart of bike racing lives and they will reply “Belgium”, that is unless they reply, Italy or France, in which case you can ask for their second choice and keep going until they get to Belgium. At that point you can nod sagely and say “Well it's their national sport isn't it?”

Of course at this point you hope they don't know that much about Belgium, as, if they do, they might challenge you with the observation that yes, cycling may be popular, but does it really measure up to Vinkensport?

This is often a question I ask myself when I’m in Belgium. You see Vinkensport, or Finch Sport, is one of the world’s oldest sports, pre-dating competitive cycle racing by perhaps as much as four hundred years. Unlike cycling, there are no bikes, but then bike racing hasn't got finches, has it?

But you see Vinkensport is a lot like bike racing. In Vinkensport, male finches are made to sing and the one that sings the most in an hour is the winner. And in bike racing, there's Freddy Martens.

Freddy holds (along with other luminaries, or Eddy Merckx as he is known) the record for the highest number or stage wins in a Tour de France. That's eight over the course of a three week bike race, or if we apply the correct conversion rate of one stage victory equals one hundred songs, that gives Freddy and Eddy enough to win your average Vinkensport contest.

Up to their beaks in it.

Of course Vinkensport is also like cycling in so far as there have been doping incidents. The world record number for songs in Vinkensport is about 1200 (the exact number eludes me and life is too short to travel to Belgium and ask at the international school for Vinkensport in Ronse), but it turns out that, as so often with cycling, the winner in question was doped up to the beak.

Now, why should any of this be of interest to me? Well you see, if you ask someone who doesn't know anything about bike racing (or indeed someone who thinks France or Italy is the world centre for bike racing) for their opinion of Belgium, they will tell you that it's dull and boring. But how can this be? Any country in which people have spent nigh on 500 years sitting around waiting for a box of finches to sing clearly has something going for it.

Chocolate - really quite nice, if you've never tried it.

Another reason to love Belgium is, of course, its chocolate. Chocolate may not have been invented in Belgium, but the Belgians have seized upon it like something sweet and tasty and made it into an art form. Other reasons to love Belgium include the (now sadly closed) Museum of Underpants and, of course, beer. Apparently there are 900 breweries in Belgium (again life is too short.... blah, blah... Ronse) That works out, using the “Brewery to finch song and back to total population” conversion system, about one brewery to every 11,000 Belgians, or one per small town. No wonder they spend their days sitting around listening to birds sing.

Cobbles, cobbles and more cobbles.

So many reasons to love Belgium, but for me the biggest reason is cobbles. To me the heart beat of bike racing is Belgium and that heart sits on a road of cobbles. Whether or not that's actually true is a little open to question. Back in the mists of time, even before the time of Freddy and Eddy, most roads throughout Europe were clad in cobbles, but with the advancement of the smelly god that is tarmacadam, up came the cobbles and down went the tarmac. Fortunately for bike racers everywhere there was some resistance to this and nowhere was that resistance stronger than in Belgium. You see the average Belgian is blessed with a wonderful northern European sense of value. Not for them a Mediterranean acceptance that progress is inevitable, but it just won't be here until tomorrow. Oh no. The Belgians asked one simple question, “Do my cobbles still work?” The answer was of course, “Yes”, and so, with the exception of major roads, the cobbles were left to be. This had two benefits, which didn't reap an obvious reward until the 20th century: 1) the average tourist loves the look of your common or garden cobble and 2) if you're going to race a bike over a cobbled road, you need a combination of skills that by their mere possession make you a very good cyclist. These are immense strength, great bike control and a disregard for your own safety that borders on the insane. In fact, the crazier you are, the more success you will have; cue Freddy.

It is this combination of strength, skill and madness that has propelled Belgian cyclists to the forefront of world cycling. They have long punched above their weight and, occasionally, below the belt. Even now, when upstart nations such as America, Germany and even Britain have begun to win the occasional bike race, Belgium still holds its reputation as the heartland of hard cyclists who ride hard races on barking mad roads.

Mind the kids.

This reputation, then, is what's responsible for dragging cyclists from across the globe to race their bikes over cobbled roads, the like of which, if they encountered them at home, would result in a swift call of complaint to the local authority. And for those of us with slightly more of a grasp of reality, this reputation drags us to stand in muddy fields and watch bicycles being ridden very fast across the heads of small children.

“The heads of small children” is one of the colourful terms the locals use to describe their cobbles. Just as Eskimos are reputed to have over 50 words for snow and the British at least 42 words for rain, the Belgians have 61 words to describe their cobbles. I could list them all now, but let’s be honest here, they wouldn’t be much use to you and I suspect you'd think I had made most of them up, which, of course, I would have done, owing to the impoverished nature of my Flemish. Suffice to say then that there are 61. There were only 39 until Belgium joined the EEC, at which point they had to sign up to the Pan European treaty on the preservation and development of historic highways, subsection cobbles, subsection transport (as opposed to subsection transportation of jelly) and got lumbered with another 22. You think this is bad; you wait until you get to the subsection on rice pudding and blancmange. So blancmange apart, we find ourselves, drawn by a love of cycle racing, chocolate and singing finches, along with an appreciation of the obscure laws of Europe to a Belgian roadside. Enjoy.

(some of you may have seen this before......)

Tell it to the dog on wheels.

www.bernhardkohl.at is still up and running if you want a laugh. Go on send him an email, you know you want to.

His management agency is www.intlsportsagency.com (office@intlsportsagency.com)





As Gerolsteiner call an end to their sponsorship a few days early and those of us with an eye for a bargain attempt to secure any team related items still in their online store, there are people far more unhappy than you could ever imagine.

Over in the outback, in deepest Katherine an Aussie by the name of Cadel is looking decidedly p'd off. His main hope of decent support in le Tour de 2009 has gone and left him, oh dear, oh dear.
Looks like Cadel will have to rely on Molly to get him through those dark nights in July, when the world wants to touch his hound and hound him into touch.
Sill as a potential investment sticking the dog onto a bike could prove pretty useful. It would certainly generate a lot of publicity, it would be more reliable that Kohl and she would doubtlessly be continually at Cadels side.

Maybe it's the way to go. With Lance riding, or not, you know where all the publicity is going to go come July 09. If you want your team to make the front page you'll have to upstage the Texan and his trusty understudy AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto). About the only two ways to do this is have your entire team arrested for performing indecent acts on the podium or to employ animals to ride for your team. (Doping is just so old hat, so 2008). So it may just be a good thing that alien number two has been caught. Would Cadel have beaten AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) in a straight fight with Kohl? Or would he stand more of a chance with a dog on wheels?

Having been selected to replace Kohl in the 09 Tour Molly gets the miles in.

KoM (King of the morons)

Kohl and Schumacher consider their futures.

It came to pass that another of the Gerolsteiner riders was caught partaking of CERA. Bernard Kohl joins space alien Schumacher on, what we hope is, the road to oblivion.
Still one thing is for sure Bernard is keeping a fine tradition going. Just take a look back at the previous list of KoM winners, go back to the 80's and you have a who's who of doping. Lets take a look;
Kohl 2008,Rasmussen 05, 06, Virenque 04, 03, 99, 98,97, 96,95, 94, Botero 2000, Chiappucci 91, 92, Claveyrolat 90, Theunisse 98, Rooks 88.
They have all failed tests or admitted to doping after their retirement.

If I look at the book shelves, I see rows and rows of cycling related books. There are a lot of books on coaching, books on periodisation, weight training, diet, books on great races, autobiographies and biographies of stars and water carriers. But you know what? There's not a book on the history of doping. That would make an interesting read, who's taken what and when they took it. The protests against testing and the riders caught cheating. You could slot in a couple of comedy chapters covering the bizarre excuses offered and finish up with a look at the long term heath consequences, both physical and mental of doping. Surely there's one waiting to be written?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_doping_cases_in_cycling#2000s
Provides a good evenings entertainment and plenty of opportunity to feel angry and pissed off. Whether or not there would be enough potential sales to encourage a publisher to put up the money is another question, but if you feel you have that great unwritten novel inside you..... feel free to make with the idea.



Don't book that Parisian hotel (yet)

Whooo, hold on there, enough with the on-line hotel booking and the suitcase packing. Lance may not be visiting France after all.
In an interview with Gazzetta dello Sport he admits he's riding the Giro to win, but goes on to say he might not ride in France.

'With the problems that I've got with the organisers, journalists and fans, I could get distracted from mission.'
He hopes a diplomatic solution can be found, but goes on to claim he's not had the OK from ASO. I bet you thought ASO had given the all clear? But just look past the September headlines and you see that they are pretty vague (how un French......ha, ha, ha). So as yet we don't know what the score is.

Lance says. "Is it possible they won't invite me? Everything is possible but I would find it incredible, a sort of own goal. I want to be in Paris but in a calm situation."
Er, yes it is quite possible he won't get asked, I don't find it incredible, come on Lance, you may well feel it's time to move on, but does everybody? An own goal, I doubt if ASO will see it like that, to be honest I doubt if they'd care how it was viewed outside Paris. Calm situation, yeah, like that's gonna happen.

If we assume that Astana have spent long enough on the naughty step for ASO to be satisfied. Then they must be in line for a ride. So if Astana are riding and Lance is a member of Astana and he's not currently under a ban, can ASO stop him?

What's I think is interesting, is that Lance not riding will generate as much publicity as Lance riding. I mean he won't be able to use the press conferences to get the cancer message across, but then is there any chance of that happening should he ride? I'd suspect the press events would follow their once traditional format, loads of questions about drugs, loads of bad blood (sorry feelings), photos of those asking awkward questions and a lot of shouting and waving of the arms. Things in Italy would I suspect be a little calmer. Maybe looking at all the potential grief will persuade him to just ride the Giro, or hey, Giro and Vuelta.
So we await the turn of events, it's all eyes to Paris, just don't let them stray towards those hotel rooms quite yet.

World Cup tickets for sale, only £500 for three days.

On a far more uplifting note (if you're a British track fan, as I am) the Sky sponsorship deal with British Cycling get's going at the first round of the world cup in Manchester in a few weeks time.
Victoria Pendleton, Ross Edgar, Jason Kenny and Jamie Staff are all to be found listed under the new Sky+HD trade team. +, is this the first time a + has appeared in a trade team name?

The world cup format of course allows trade teams in addition to national squads, so for a set-up like BC it's a great chance to give exposure and competition to even more riders.
Whilst Hoy and Wiggo aren't riding, it's pretty much the full Worlds and Olympic squads in action, so expect plenty of podiums from the home riders.

The world cup falls at a perfect time, a couple of weeks before the first of the Revolution track series and at a time when cycling is still riding high in the nations consciousness. Tickets can't be had for love nor money, although for five hundred quid I might be tempted.
A couple of years ago we sat in a half empty stadium and watched a round of the world cup, the UCI were none too impressed and said never again. However the success of the Revolution series (playing to full houses) and the World Championships caused a rethink, the result every ticket went with a couple of days of going on sale. So expect a great 3 days racing. I'll see you there.

One for the good guys.

Paris - Tours (at last a bike race takes place)

Good guys do win, that's the message from Paris-Tours. Gilbert's win is one not just for a good guy, but one for a good team. FDJ have long had a strong anti doping ethic and their team were roundly cheered at the 07 le Tour for their stand against doping and chickens.
But it wasn't just a good day for the guys at FDJ, Landbouwkrediet, Bouygues Telecom and Agritubel had riders making up the winning move. Proving that the 'smaller' teams can do the business just as well as the big boys and that if you try hard enough you effort will pay off. The four fought hard to stay away from the peloton and fully deserve their success.
For a small team like Landbouwkrediet it was a big day, 2nd for Jan Kuyckx in a major classic is a huge result for the Belgian squad and one they fully deserve. Landbouwkrediet have a good reputation in the UK due to their employment of Manning, Clancy and Stannard and many British fans will be pleased with their result.

Gilbert finally got a big one and hopefully this will give him the spur to go onto bigger things next season. He is one rider that has spoken out against doping and stated his determination to ride hard no matter what the odds, well yesterday the odds were in his favor as he found himself with three hardworking and fully committed riders all of whom had something to gain and all of who can feel more than happy with their days work. It was a well deserved victory and an undoubtedly bright spot in what has been a pretty dire week in the world of professional cycling.

Lance, he's a little ray of sunshine. (For a certain young Spaniard.)

Anything else happened,.... er, well..... oh yes...... the comeback, I almost forgot.
Lance will for the first time ride the Giro, which next year clocks up 100 years. In fact 'Everybody says that the Giro will be the kick-off to the Tour while I know I could come to Italy to be a winner and that the Giro will be my true three-week stage race of the year,'
says Lance. At thirty eight there can be no way he'd seriously go for both the Giro and le Tour, although you'd never quite rule that out, would you? So, you know what? That seems to have put something of a smile back on AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) face, the boy seems a lot happier now and I guess for Astana it's win, win, win all the way. Lance to go for the Giro, AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) for le Tour and a straight two way fight between Levi and AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) for the Vuelta.
Now with all this publicity the Astana brand, let alone the Livestrong brand will just get bigger and bigger. Just remind me, what's an Astana? It's a Kazakhstan cheese isn't it? Anyway, whether it's cheese or jam, I'll be first in the queue when they start selling it in the UK, maybe it's a brand of shirt or a carpet manufacturer, who knows.

That one announcement has brought a lot of jollity to AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) and he seems to have changed his tune in double quick time and now appears surprised that there were teams interested in signing him, yeah, right.

The IOC - down the toilet with the dopers - it's official.



Are you afraid of needles? Don't worry the IOC is at hand. They don't like them either.

You'll recall that a few days ago a hither too unknown IOC official was calling for cycling to be expunged from the history book and all bicycles to be thrown in the crusher. So you can imagine my surprise (not) when it turns out that the glowing edifice that is the IOC isn't as luminescent as they would have us believe.

It seems that the IOC's claim to be at the forefront in the war against doping is about as believable as AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) one that he was surprised other teams wanted his signature.
It was revealed last night (to I suspect stifled laughs at UCI HQ) that the IOC concealed inadequacies, shortcomings and generally being crap in its anti-doping procedures during the Beijing Olympics. Of the 4770 tests carried out 300 still lack proper documentation and results, which just about makes them worthless in an anti doping fight. But it's not just the on the day testing procedures that have had problems, oh no. The Athletes Whereabouts documentation from almost half the national Olympic associations was junk. 102 out of 205 proved to have insufficient or no information relating to where their athletes were at certain times. This was despite the IOC requesting the information on multiple occasions. Can you imagine what would happen if cyclists were unable to provide information as to their whereabouts? The IOC, WADA, Uncle Tom Cobley and all would call into question our right to exist and yet almost 50% of the nations at the Olympics failed to do this and no one says a dickey bird.

But hey, don't worry, all of that has obviously not been commented on, because it pales into insignificance when you look at how many sports have signed up to the IOC's blood testing programme. Yes whilst cycling is pilloried the IOC have quietly forgotten to mention that of the 28 international summer sports federations only 4 ( yes that's 4 out of 28), namely cycling, athletics, rowing and modern pentathlon have agreed to subject it's athletes to screening to reduce the chances of any blood doping.
Perhaps, and here's a thought, the UCI should stand up and say they don't want to be part of the Olympics, an organisation that is clearly 'down the toilet', an organisation that is incapable of fighting the dopers, unable to conduct reliable tests and is reliant on poor practice and ineffective procedure.

The IOC anti doping committee meet to consider what to do next.

The law of the playground.

Puking for Britain.

Over at the site of the new sponsor, Sky, there's a lot of cycling news, nothing you don't see elsewhere and no working RSS feed, but credit where etc etc. They do however pick 12 young athletes who they expect to blast for Gold in 2012 and would you believe it, there are three cyclists, Jason Kenny, Anna Blyth and Shanaze Reade. Has there ever been a list of future British hopefuls where cyclists have made up 25% of the total? No I don't recall it either. Still looks like they're going to push the profile and that is a big plus.
On of the odd things that I read a couple of weeks ago was a small article in (I think) the Independent on Sunday,where it was reported that the Sky deal was £47 million, surely a very bad typo? or does the Indy know something we don't?

So, anyway, there's a do for all the Sky big wigs up at the velodrome, the D is cordoned off and there are crisps, sandwiches and fizzy pop for all. Meanwhile a squad training session is taking place on the track. A certain young sprinter puts in a massive effort having not fully warmed up properly, leaves the track and promptly throws up in the nearest waste bin, providing the assembled Sky exec's with a spectacular view of exactly what their investment is bringing them (that's total commitment and all out effort, as opposed to that mornings breakfast).

I vant to drink your blood.....

Meanwhile back in the real world, there is soon to be a test for blood transfusions, so in maybe a few months we will get a whole new batch of tests from this years Le Tour and hopefully the Olympics (I assume the IOC will sign up and use the test), once again it will be all bets off for who won those Le Tour stages, you never know, by the time the 09 race starts we might just have a clear (cleaner?) picture of who won what in 08.
I said I assume the IOC will follow suite and I think they will, they wont really have an option will they? They will certainly lose all credibility if the samples that they plan to keep for 8 years don't get tested with every new test that comes out of the armory. How many rewrites of Olympic history will the new test bring?
Now what's the betting that there will be a fair few samples that will have become contaminated and won't be retested? I await the new set of results for CREA with interest.

Lemond has recently made the point that true testing needs to include VO2 Max and power output, both of which can be done now. This would enable the authorities to monitor progression and changes over a longer period and therefore gain a more accurate view of changes. So why isn't this being done? Well, er.... ask Uncle pat. Yes there would be a big, indeed very big, initial outlay, but the pay of would be a massive step in the fight against doping, more confidence for sponsors and fans that they are witnessing a true winner and perhaps best of all a stick to beat the IOC, WADA and other sports with.

Of course you would hear the old song about infringement of athletes rights, personal freedom etc etc. But you know what? How about the right's of fans who travel all over the world watching their sport? How about the sponsors and TV networks who what value for their investment? No I'm sorry, it was the athletes, in all sports, who indulged in a frenzy of doping, silence, cover up and bizarre excuses, as they say in the play ground 'you started it, I'll finish it'

Getting down with the thieves of glory.

Good news Mrs Hamilton, it's twins.

In a somewhat less than shocking turn of events Schumachers Lawyer has expresses doubts about the testing procedures that caught his client.
Apparently Schuey is "totally destroyed and has withdrawn from everything", oh dear, how sad, my heart bleeds, it really does, Poor old Schumacher is upset that after taking a couple of doses CERA he has been found positive at a dope test, been sacked by his team and now has the German fuzz turning his place over and taking away 'items' for evidence.
My view is that the first rider to say 'it's a fair cop' on getting caught, should be allowed to get off scott free, not that it's ever likely to happen is it, denial and stupidity seem prerequisites for the average dope head and it is clear that Schumacher has theses in abundance.

Talking of abundance, the Tyler Hamilton twins have been speaking (in unison I must assume) to the fine VeloNews and amazingly confides in us that 'I’m still scarred. I’m not the same person I was before, that’s for sure'
Whooo, there, hold the front page, hang on I'll just pick myself up from the floor. I thought the Hamilton boys had returned to as cyclists, not stand up comedians. 'I'm not the same person I was before.' Well who the flipping heck are you then? I thought you were twins, I'm sure that was you brilliant defense, now if you're not the same person is that just one of you? both of you? or what? Are there now four of you, oh my God, this is getting to confusing.
Still another caught doper complains, I assume that 'I'm still scared' counts as a complaint, that they've had it tough, oh boo hoo, what a shame. It's the same old story that makes me sick, you take dope, you assume you have a right to take dope, you get caught, you're not happy with the fact that you get banned, you assume that you should get off free and be allowed to race again.
The reason I'm all for life bans has nothing to do with stamping out doping in the peloton, no it's all to do with shutting up ex dopers and stopping them bleating on and on about how tough things are. Giving you medals back Tyler? Thought not.

Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo, you'd better never bother with me ol' bamboo.

British Cycling have always had an eye on the future. It was cutting edge technology and design that helped the Gold fest that was the Olympics and Worlds this year. But in a recent development BC have announced that they are looking not just towards 2012 but to 2052.
The assumption is that by 2052 the cost of certain materials currently used to build bikes will be prohibitively expensive and will therefor be banned by the UCI and IOC. With this in mind BC is looking to other materials, the assumption is that it will be compulsory to make bikes out of resources that are both renewable and biodegradable. And so the much heralded secret squirrel club is to be superseded by the newly named Pander club. This group of top research scientists and mechanics will be led once again by Chris Boardman. The reason for the name is that the new wonder material identified by BC as the key material in bike building for 2052 will be bamboo.





Bamboo init......
So whilst the above will not be the actual models that are raced on come 2052, they are the first steps along the way.

There is also talk of a skinsuit that recycles water. Apparently 'top boffins' are researching a suit that will convert sweat into drinkable water, that will be fed back to the rider via a small tube that is attached to the zip. This it is hoped will eliminate the need to have as many stops either to take on additional water bottles or to, how can we put this politely, ah yes, take a piss.

Cavendish not on podium shocker.....

It's never a sure thing is it? So for all those that are now sleeping in tents after putting their houses on Cav's 3rd stage win in Missouri, I am truly sorry. But lets face it, if you're gonna be beaten, being beaten by someone called Boy will at least put a smile on your face.

For a 3rd win you had to be over in the UK for Le tour de Britain, where the continually impressive Edvald Boasson Hagen notched up win number three for Columbia. Cast your mind back to the start of the season (well January) and there were predictions that they'd never win anything, 'Riders too young' , 'not enough experience' and now, more wins than any other team on the circuit, more future stars than anyone else, the future really is blue.

Whilst ITV 4's coverage limps along, Hugh is finally warming to the task, poor fella must have been knackered all the works he's been getting this year, he even managed to pass a comment about Steve Cummings getting an early night in preparation for the days attack, an oblique reference to other riders who were apparently up well past their bed time maybe?

It's Sunday morning and I have yet to notice a Lance to return update story on the news services, perhaps the lines are down? This will, in case you're concerned, be the major topic of cycling related news in the non-cycling media until next July and you can bet that the editors of the monthly cycling mags are 'licking their lips' (Copyright Hugh Porter) at the prospect of more Lance filled pages, although if you are a regular reader of ProCycling or Cycle Sport you'd hard pressed to know that he in fact retired three years ago, as barely a month seems to go by without one article of another heading down Texas way for a while.
Meanwhile, in the sticks (or Spain), Contador takes the lead and looks favorite to go all the way to the finish in yellow. So that'll be two grand tours this year to go with the 07 Le Tour, I bet he can't wait to play second fiddle come July 09. I'd love to see the wording of his contract or be a fly on the wall at his next meeting with Bruyneel.

It is Bruyneel of course who this year made a major contribution to the world of cycling literature, with the publication of 'We might as well win'.
It is perhaps a major point in the history of cycling related publishing as I don't recall having ever read a cycling related book that is so bad.
I mean, good lick to Johan, his book has been written with the aim of reaching a specific market. But what is that market? Well if you have ever ridden a bike, know how many wheels one has or have heard of any cyclist other than Lance Armstrong you are going to be over qualified for this little number.
The book starts from the premise that you know nothing of cycling, which is useful, because when yo have finished the book, you'll know noting about cycling. So good luck to Johan, I hope he sells many millions of copies and that this publication success convinces him that he never need write another book again.
Meanwhile I would urge the publishers to place a warning on the front, something about 'stating the bleeding obvious' would be useful.

Eddy Merckx - the comeback

Hot on the announcement that LA is making a comeback, King Eddy has announced that he is in training with the aim of winning Paris-Roubaix in 2009.

I truly have no opinion about this, the whole thing leaves me cold, I don't care one way or the other, I mean good luck to Lance I hope he enjoys the ride, but if we're talking about real drama.....

Le tour de Britain - oh yes, that's where it's at. Yet another full on Blood 'n' Guts stage, big break consisting of a string of really good TTers looked like it would go all the way, even bigger chase by Agritubel, yellow punctures (that's gets a flat if you're from Missouri) break gets caught, Dan Lloyd goes for it, almost crashes and a loan leader is piped on the line by a Cav less Columbia in the shape of the outstanding Edval Boasson Hagen.
Steve Cummings into second, Stannard 4th, Freeman 5th, Dan Martin in 8th and Swifty in Poker Dots - could be a blinder for the home side.
It is really shaping up to be a great race, Anthony Mccrossen seems to have lost his first day nerves and is really warming to the task.
ITV4 still need an extra motorbike or two, but none the less it's a great race and for me the only down side is that I won't be at the Liverpool finish. It's the closest to me, but a long standing family thing means I won't be there. Which is a shame as the kids I coach will be competing in some Go-Ride fun and games before the main show rolls into town. When I say family thing, I mean a family event that will even stop me going training on the morning..... strewth.

AAAARRRRGGGG, how stupid am I, I've just realised why all the Rock Racing 'bad' boys are in the UK (that's bad boys as in unrepentant dopers not cyclists who think they're naughty) Cos if they were to try and get a ride in Missouri they would probably get banned and have to go through the whole riding in front of the race performance that they did in California with all the attendant abuse and embarrassment that that would bring. I'll be a bit quicker on the uptake next time, although I don't see this theory anywhere else, it kind of makes sense to me.

New bikes please.

Now that was a great days racing. Peloton ripped apart three Brits and Dan Martin all finishing in the top group, a lone winner, bloody awful weather, brilliant.

But even I have to feel sorry for the Tyler Hamilton twins, the poor fellas came off and due the Rock Racing team car not carrying any spare bikes had to borrow one from neutral service and then one from team GB. What is the point of having a team car that doesn't carry spare bikes? Surely that's the primary function of a team car? Organisation? nah, lets just get a flashy looking car and forget the bikes.

Still once again a day animated by the Brits, Cummings and Freeman looked strong and when they were joined by three more riders continued to set the pace. Again Ian Stannard was impressive, working hard and getting dropped on the biggest climb of the day, where he fought back and rejoined the group, a very impressive ride. Stannard still only in his first season as a pro is winning plaudits in Belgium for his performances in the classics, finishing P-r and Flanders in your first season and finishing them well bodes well for the future. Cav is being spoken of as a classics winner, but I also think that Ian Stannard will win one day.

ITV 4 have finally cottoned onto the idea that intermediate sprints and KoM's are worth watching, but they need a 2nd or even 3rd bike, it's OK to stay with the leaders, but it would be nice to see a chase getting underway and jumping across. But I shouldn't quibble, in Anthony Mccrossan they have the best race caller there is, I know he's probably working on a tape for ITV4, but his and indeed Martins work for CTV is of the highest order, show them an obscure Belgian pro and they'll know who it is, now this is either very, very impressive or slightly worrying, depending of course on your viewpoint. Me? I'd say impressive.

Across Le pond, Cav is still winning in Missouri, win 16 for the season and whilst he's on the podium a quick look at Le tour de Missouri will reveal, via the cycling glossary on the web site, that saddle is the bike seat and that puncture is a flat tyre.

Whilst we're there, good ol' Lance is making a comeback, I truly have no idea what to make of that, I really don't. I was actually more intrigued by Dave Millars comment 'He could do a lot of good for us'
So which races will he ride? Well looks like Le Tour is flagged up, and he knows how to prepare for that one and there have been older riders finishing on the podium in the past. Firmin Lambot is the oldest winner at 36, but of course you wouldn't put anything past Lance would you. Team wise it will be interesting, will he go to Astana? Or start a new team? It's a bit late for the latter, all the contracts for 09 will have been signed, so that leaves joining an existing squad. Lance will doubtlessly bring his own sponsors on board, so extra finance shouldn't be a problem, the question will be how will this be interpreted by the riders already in the team? Signing a contract saying you're team leader for Le Tour only to be told two months later that you're riding for Lance might be a bit of a blow to the ego and as we all know there are one or two of them about.
Maybe he'll join Rock Racing? He'll have to bring his own bike rack though.

Tour de Britain, Tour de Missouri

At the Tour de Britain I managed to catch up with Garmin DS Matt White for a top quality interview

STIGT: Matt. Many thanks for your time.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Garmin has riders capable of not just stage victories, but of the over all as well

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Will you be concentrating on one or the other or just seeing how the race unfolds?

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Er, It's been said that with only six rides per team everyone has to be super vigilant or else the winning break could be up the road.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: So have you got a race plan or are you just going to play it day by day and see how the race develops?

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Er, you haven't answered my question

Matt: For sure

STIGT: In fact all you've said is for sure

Matt: For sure

STIGT: OK I'll try something different.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Will Dave Millar be allowed to finish the race early, so he can go back to your house and have sex with your wife?

Matt: For sure

Dave Millar: For Sure.

Having been thrown off the bus, I then went looking for another victim, Alessandro Petacchi

STIGT: Alessandro, how do you feel after winning the stage

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: You timed your sprint very well, were you confident before the race started?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: Your team mate Di Luca attacked early, was this to gain time or to force the other sprinter teams to chase?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: You haven't raced for four months, how difficult did you find today?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: What are your aims for the rest of the Dave Millar went round to your house to have sex with your wife whilst you're racing?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

Dave Millar: I is very happy.

Meanwhile the racing had started, but over on ITV 4 you'd never know it, we saw the riders in the nuturalised zone and then if was off to Bletchley park, because it was only 7 miles away, er.. OK.
Now as far as I know (or AFAIK as we say in modern) the only vague connection to cycling is you can drive down Alan Turing way on the way to Manchester Velodrome, which I think is a bit too tenuous even for ITV 4. So why? Do they cut away from a football match to show you the delights of an couple of old building 7 miles from the ground? Oh, they do, I'll shut up then.

Top ride by Stannard, he's had a great season, rode all the classics and rode them well, great to see him off the front, just a shame he was alone, a couple more riders and maybe he could have stayed away, although the final climb slaughtered him, he was the rider of the day in my book.

Cav's at it again, winning that is, no problems in a chaotic one in the Tour de Missouri, despite a long and hard season he's still unbeatabley fast, so for all those that said why is he riding in the US here's the answer, winning in your sponsors back yard. Hopefully the road closures in the US were of a higher quality than over in Britain, where at some points it looked like the race was going through a Go-Ride snake.