Is Lance the new Dr Who?

Is Dick Pound considering a comeback?


In a 'shock' announcement today (That's shock as in we all new it was going to happen, just that no one dare say it) 'TVs' David Tennant has announced that he will be leaving the DR Who role at the end of 09.
Immediately there was a flurry of activity as the bookies started taking bets on who would take over. I of course have my own views on this news.

I think it's no coincidence that the post of Dr Who becomes available at a time when the 'comeback' season will be drawing to an end.
The Dr is, after all, one of the great survivors and has made at least 10 comebacks in his life. Surely Lance won't want to endure another season playing water carrier to AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto). So the position must appeal to him, OK so the Tardis is hardly up there with the latest Trek in terms of performance, but there's nothing a little tweaking in the wind tunnel can't fix. Also the chance to repeatedly save the world from alien invasion on a weekly basis is surely the next logical step in Lances career.

So who would be the Dr's assistant? Well Johan Bruyneel is hardly going to win any awards for glamor (unless he awards them himself) but when it comes to screaming and running away I think he has all the skills needed, after all spending time with Vino, the king of screaming and running away, must have had some effect.

So we have a man to save the world and a slightly dim witted assistant, but who would be the evil villains bent on planetary destruction? Oh so many to chose from, but if we're casting Lance as the Dr than his nemesis or rather his Davros has got to be Dick Pound. It's a match made in heaven. Dick Pound doesn't just come with a comic name (always good for a villain) but he was very good at scaring people to death, look at the effect he had on the average Tour de France peloton if he turned up unannounced, lot's of running to the toilet and looking for pet dogs. Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but again our Dick, finds himself at a bit of a lose end as well, coincidence?



Famous BBC comics in prank phone call shocker.

It has been revealed today that two of the BBC's most respected broadcasters have been indulging in a little late night phone prankary.

It has been revealed that top BBC comedy duo Hugh Porter and Gary Sutton have been caught on tape making prank phone calls to respected veteran broadcaster Paul Sherwen.

Porter and Sutton, famed throughout the broadcasting world for their madcap comedy approach to bicycle racing have allegedly made a series of 'rude' and 'insulting' calls to TV veteran Paul Sherwen.

Porter and Sutton, who's catch phrases include, 'What's going on?', 'Who's that on the bike' and the hilarious 'Nurse, it's time for my nap', allegedly made the series of calls late one night during their their midnight show 'Hand slinging for beginners'.
During the calls they suggested that Shrewen had 'never won a rainbow jersey' , 'spends too much time down that bloody mine' and 'looks slightly confused when ever he's on camera' .

Much respected veteran Sherwen is said to he been hurt and insulted by the actions of the mad cap comedy duo;
'I'm hurt and insulted by the actions of the mad cap comedy duo' said Sherwen today.

The BBC has been snowed under with a total of 1 complaint (a Mrs Sherwen from Cheshire) and as a result have taken both Porter and Sutton off the air. Their late night slot will be filled by the up and comming young gun David Duffield who will present a show called 'Nuclear and quantum physics and theire applications in tyre inflation'

When asked to comment the Primeminister Mr Gordon Brown said 'helllllpppppp'.

That Tour de France presentation zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The crowd at yet another riveting Tour presentation.


There was a time when the Tour de France presentation consisted of a few town names scribbled on a back of a cigarette packet and handed out to riders at the start of the first stage.

Oh how times have changed. Nowadays a crowd that wouldn't shame a bunch of has been stadium rockers sits in rapture as that nice Mr Prudhomme explains in detail the twists, turns, highs and lows of the route and the reasons for their inclusion.

Now in the past I've read the news reports and looked at the pictures of the great, the good and the scum of world cycling sitting agog as the route is presented to them.
Wow I've thought, this looks fun, I'll have to watch it live. And, so this year, thanks to the living miracle that is Cycling.TV (motto: 3 years in beta) I set aside time in my diary and sat back for what promised to be a once in a lifetime experience.

Now there are many reasons pro cyclists take dope, these include, they are cheating scum, they are bastards and they are piss taking twats who deserve a good kicking. But now I have seem a Le Tour presentation I can add another reason to the list, Being out of your tree is a good way to get through that crap and not let it affect you. Boring? Boring? God, it was like nothing I'd ever seen on earth. I've seen some dire presentations in my time, but little to rival the mind numbing cobblers that is a Le Tour presentation.
Of course this could have been partly due to the quality of the CTV feed, which was junk, but even with a full HD, super surround sound extravaganza I think it still would have been like replacing your saddle with a cheese grater and going on a 200k training ride.

The whole thing could have been neatly summed up and all over inside 10 minutes, but hey, if you have assembled the worlds media, most of the world's potential tour riders and a few of their dogs (say hi Molly.) You have to justify your existence don't you.

Next year they should go back to the cigarette packet routine, it's got to be the way forward in the anti doping fight.



Pinky and Perky assess that Tour route in Full.

So, to put a little more flesh on the bare bones, so to say. Here are the details of the 09 Tour de France in full.

Total length: 3,450 kilometers

Time trialling: 55 kilometers individual, 38 team time trialling

Mountain top finishes: three

Days of mountain climbing: eight - three in the Pyrenees, three in the Alps, one in the Jura, one up the Mont Ventoux

Number of rest days: two

Number of stages won by riders who subsequently fail dope tests: 5

Number of jerseys won by riders who subsequently fail dope tests 1

Number of riders having inappropriate relationships with their dogs: 1

Number of riders blaming dogs/whiskey/grandmothers/aliens for failed tests: 3

Number of times Cadel Evans threatens a journalist: 27

Number of times a French rider will launch a suicide break: 237

Number of French suicide breaks that will succeed: 2

Number of Lance Armstrongs riding: 0

Number of times Pinky and Perkey (Phil and Paul), will claim they 'have never seen anything like that before': 17

Number of giant cocks painted on the route: 4 (down from a 2006 high of 54).

Oh yes he is, oh no he isn't, oh yes he is, oh no he isn't

The pantomime season is upon us.

As the winter approaches theaters across the UK are gearing up for the pantomime season. Suddenly seats that have remained empty due to an excess of Shakespeare and an over reliance on local amateur dramatics will have backsides on them as Aladdin, Cinderella and their chums run through their paces. Men will dress up as fat women, women will dress up as young boys and the audience will will scream with delight and shout out 'behind you'. (similar shouts could be heard at the Saunier Duval team bus during July).

In cycling we like to keep up with the times and so we have our own pantomimes. There are the annual favorites; stories of family feuds between Uncle Pat and the ASO, sagas of riders running away from dope testers at Le Tour and the annual comedy of German cyclists getting busted. But this year we have a new pantomime that is sure to get the kids flocking to the cheap seats. This year instead of Puss in Boots (I don't suggestyou use that as a Google search term) We have Lance at le Tour.

Lance at le Tour started a couple of months ago with a slightly odd announcement that Lance was to make a return to the sport and ride Le Tour, this shortly turned into a return to cycling and riding le Tour to win. Not a bad start, but then as the weeks progressed it went from riding le Tour to win to, riding the whole season with le Tour as the highlight. Then it became riding the whole season over 5 continents and riding the Giro as well as le Tour. This became riding the whole season aiming to win the Giro and maybe riding le Tour to help another rider, which of course became riding the Giro to win as team leader and supporting the leader at le Tour.
This then turned into riding the Giro to win and maybe not le Tour, which of course became; riding the Giro to win and only 50/50 for le Tour. - Phew....

And we still have 6 months to go. Over the coming weeks we can expect the 50/50 for le Tour to become 100% not riding, but Lance will be there every day to offer support to AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto). This will change into 100% not riding, but Lance will be there on the key stages, which will by June be; 'Tour de what? Never heard of it.'

Hung, Drawn and Quartered.

In a move as unexpected as Uncle Pat winning Ireland's got talent, the Italian rider's association, the AACPI has called for dopers to be kicked out the sport for life.

Their letter to Uncle Pat is here: Letter to the UCI (from Velonews).

There's not much to say about that is there? I could be churlish and say 'about time' or 'it's a bit late' or 'as if it will have any effect', but I won't. Instead I'll welcome it, yes there will still be Italian riders that dope, just as aliens number 1 and 2 continued to do when the Gerolsteiner team had a strong anti doping line. But open anti doping statements, longer bans and the like will have an effect on some riders. I'm not naive enough to believe such words on their own will win the 'war' but they will go some way to altering the prevailing mind set and as such are to be welcomed.
Others, I'm sure, will pick over the statement word by word, compare it's fine words against the actions of certain members of the AACPI and so on, but I'm happy it's been said and I'll leave it at that. This pantomime will continue, no doubt, but maybe we could start to believe in angels again one day.

UCI and ASO; that meeting in full.

Pat McQuaid of the UCI and Jean Etienne of ASO patch up their differences.


So the UCI and ASO have had a love in, nice.... (I'll apologise if you're reading this after you've just eaten and the vision of Uncle Pat getting down to do the dirty is upsetting you, but there you go).
They have both been busy issuing statement listing their various positions (!!!!!) and in case you missed them, or in ces you didn't understand them, I'll translate:


Things are excellent,There is a charm offensive on both sides. Said Uncle Pat. What he means is:
I still hate the bastard. But at least I've stopped kicking his dog.

We are very happy and very content with the way we are communicating with them, and they likewise feel the same about the way they are communicating with us:
We are now in the same room, but we are still screaming insults at each other. We had a buffet and we finished up throwing cake at each other. Mum says I can have jelly for tea.

"We had a meeting in Paris on Monday. I met with Jean Etienne, the new president of ASO, and one of the directors of the EPA. We had a discussion about various elements such as next year's calendar and they also explained their objectives with the Tour presentation.
I passed that twat Etienne in the street, I kicked him and said their Tour presentation was crap.

The route is interesting.
Call that a race route? My 4 year old nephew could come up with a better race than that.

And so on...... the words piss up and brewery spring to mind.

It's going backwards.

Tour de France to finish before it starts.


To much fanfare Le Tour is going backwards.

In a new and exciting innovation this year and in keeping with the backwards theme the winner will be announced at the end of June, a week before the race actually starts. In addition all the stage winners will be awarded their bouquets before the race turns a peddle in anger. Then as the race progress and the dope testers take their inevitable toll, names and numbers will be crossed off the list and we'll see who is left come Paris.

This new innovation brings a wholly new and profitable angle to ASO's finances. This year for the first time fans will be able to bet not on who wins what, but on who fails dope tests, when they fail them and when they make their tearful confession live on TV.
In addition the announcement of the finishing order before the race starts will enable journalists to take most of July off and just publish a final GC come October (much like they do now).

Uncle Pat, the UCI, the IOC and the WADA will start to argue about the results at the end of June, thus enabling all the dust to settle and everyone to kiss and make up come the finish in Paris.

THIS JUST IN: In a shock move and in line with the new backwards policy, German TV has announced that following the results of the 2010 Tour de France they will not be showing the event in 2009.

Other top backwards news.

Scott Sunderland has left the Cervelo test team before it's even been launched.
In keeping with this new spirit of doing everything backwards Scott Sunderland has parted company with the Cervelo team before the team has been launched. He has apparently cited personal differences with several riders, none of whom have signed for the team for 2009, but all of whom would be in the team in 2010 and 2011.

Have you seen this man? You might well have seen him tomorrow, if not previously!

Leonardo Piepoli has failed to turn up for the Italian Olympic Committee (Coni) doping hearing on Wednesday (today).

When questioned at his home by the police he gave the reason that he has already appeared at the CONI hearing, infact he was there last week and it's not his fault if they haven't yet adopted the new backwards calandar that is fast finding favour in the world of professional sport.

Tomorrow the French Anti-Doping Agency will announce that Piepoli has failed a test for OPE that he will take next month.

Getting down with the thieves of glory.

Good news Mrs Hamilton, it's twins.

In a somewhat less than shocking turn of events Schumachers Lawyer has expresses doubts about the testing procedures that caught his client.
Apparently Schuey is "totally destroyed and has withdrawn from everything", oh dear, how sad, my heart bleeds, it really does, Poor old Schumacher is upset that after taking a couple of doses CERA he has been found positive at a dope test, been sacked by his team and now has the German fuzz turning his place over and taking away 'items' for evidence.
My view is that the first rider to say 'it's a fair cop' on getting caught, should be allowed to get off scott free, not that it's ever likely to happen is it, denial and stupidity seem prerequisites for the average dope head and it is clear that Schumacher has theses in abundance.

Talking of abundance, the Tyler Hamilton twins have been speaking (in unison I must assume) to the fine VeloNews and amazingly confides in us that 'I’m still scarred. I’m not the same person I was before, that’s for sure'
Whooo, there, hold the front page, hang on I'll just pick myself up from the floor. I thought the Hamilton boys had returned to as cyclists, not stand up comedians. 'I'm not the same person I was before.' Well who the flipping heck are you then? I thought you were twins, I'm sure that was you brilliant defense, now if you're not the same person is that just one of you? both of you? or what? Are there now four of you, oh my God, this is getting to confusing.
Still another caught doper complains, I assume that 'I'm still scared' counts as a complaint, that they've had it tough, oh boo hoo, what a shame. It's the same old story that makes me sick, you take dope, you assume you have a right to take dope, you get caught, you're not happy with the fact that you get banned, you assume that you should get off free and be allowed to race again.
The reason I'm all for life bans has nothing to do with stamping out doping in the peloton, no it's all to do with shutting up ex dopers and stopping them bleating on and on about how tough things are. Giving you medals back Tyler? Thought not.

Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo, you'd better never bother with me ol' bamboo.

British Cycling have always had an eye on the future. It was cutting edge technology and design that helped the Gold fest that was the Olympics and Worlds this year. But in a recent development BC have announced that they are looking not just towards 2012 but to 2052.
The assumption is that by 2052 the cost of certain materials currently used to build bikes will be prohibitively expensive and will therefor be banned by the UCI and IOC. With this in mind BC is looking to other materials, the assumption is that it will be compulsory to make bikes out of resources that are both renewable and biodegradable. And so the much heralded secret squirrel club is to be superseded by the newly named Pander club. This group of top research scientists and mechanics will be led once again by Chris Boardman. The reason for the name is that the new wonder material identified by BC as the key material in bike building for 2052 will be bamboo.





Bamboo init......
So whilst the above will not be the actual models that are raced on come 2052, they are the first steps along the way.

There is also talk of a skinsuit that recycles water. Apparently 'top boffins' are researching a suit that will convert sweat into drinkable water, that will be fed back to the rider via a small tube that is attached to the zip. This it is hoped will eliminate the need to have as many stops either to take on additional water bottles or to, how can we put this politely, ah yes, take a piss.

It's a wide open road.

Procycling had, this month, an Olympic special, but what was unusual about this Olympic special was that it covered the track as well as the road (Still no mention of BMX or MTB, perhaps they're not pros then?)
But in reading the interviews with Wiggo, Cavo, Vickyo, Sir Chriso, Jamieo Staffo and Darren Kenny what comes across is their love of the sport and their desire to see the sport grow. An interesting comparison can be made to any of the paupers in the top football division, where an interview will be more celeb lifestyle, my latest car blah, blah than anything else, still when you're only training for a couple of hours a day I guess there's little else to do other than fill your overburdened life with fantasy and fairy tale.

Whilst I'm on the subject of other sports, which apparently do exist (shock, smile, wink) I must pass comment on tennis. Well to be more accurate pass comment on the LTA, who shovel in more than 60 million of the British pounds into their bank account on an annual basis, mainly on the back of the Wimbledon thingy. Now Jamie Murray is indeed a fine player, but from what I can gather was trained by his mum and then sent overseas to a tennis school, so maybe he's not a product of the 'system'. Anyway there was a TV 'bit' on those who have helped him to a position of success, coach, trainer, fitness coach, dietitian, etc etc. Queue a bloke from the LTA saying 'this is something we can learn from..... This follows on from an interview I saw over Wimbledon fortnight where one of the Brit players says her game has improved a lot since she got a dietitian involved and started eating correctly. (that's eating the right food, not correctly as in I'm now putting the food in my mouth instead of in my ear). Now she was supported by the LTA, who it seems hadn't offered any advice on this.....
Now I'm sorry, but this is quite beyond belief. As a coach and rider it seems self evident that, fitness, nutrition etc etc are prerequisites for a successful athlete, whatever the sport. How in the name of all that is nameable, can an LTA rep effectively say 'Oh fitness and diet, hummm, perhaps we should look at those'. I don't recall the LTA being one of the Nat Associations that visited Manchester to see how the Britain's most successful sporting body does it's business...

On the back of LA's out of retirement business, it seems that ex riders are now queuing up to put down the pension book and take up the power meter again.
Best of all is Mr Landis. That's Mr Landis, as in 'Oh I had a whiskey last night, and it made me ride like superman'. He too will be back, oh joy of joy, hopefully all this action will spur returns from Vinko and the Chicken and then my life would be complete, it really would. I mean I don't know if there is enough hatred left in my body to handle any more unrepentant dopers in the peloton. Hopefully they will all join up at rock racing.
I saw the Hamilton twins interviewed on Tour de Britain (top coverage via ITV 4, sorry coverage by ITV 4) and he said that Michael Balls view is are you allowed to ride? If so, it's OK to ride and I must assume sign for the team that has no spare bikes. Well that shows the Rock Racing attitude to the sport if you ask me, publicity as a core value, sorry only value, and love, understanding of the sport not on the scale, Oh how different from the home lives of our own dear Kings and Queens.

The mighty Cav to remain at Columbia, is the non shock headline of the week. Did you really think his Royal Cavness would be going anywhere else. He has an absolutely amazing team around him, they deliver him to the line and it's podium time. I loved the interview when he said he's not chasing the Euro, just victories - Cav top man. I don't think there was ever going to be a Cav in the first incarnation of Nat Pro, there just wouldn't be the train for him. But maybe a few years down the line? Who knows?

Talking of signings the new Cervelo squad is starting to look good, certainly from a British perspective. Dan's Lloyd and Freeman move over from the Kelly gang, Hammond is in and the rumor is that Ben Swift has signed. Add in Sastra, Haussler and Thor and there's the core of a good team, rumors abound as to who else they will sign, but I doubt if the one about them riding Colnago will come to pass.

Eddy Merckx - the comeback

Hot on the announcement that LA is making a comeback, King Eddy has announced that he is in training with the aim of winning Paris-Roubaix in 2009.

I truly have no opinion about this, the whole thing leaves me cold, I don't care one way or the other, I mean good luck to Lance I hope he enjoys the ride, but if we're talking about real drama.....

Le tour de Britain - oh yes, that's where it's at. Yet another full on Blood 'n' Guts stage, big break consisting of a string of really good TTers looked like it would go all the way, even bigger chase by Agritubel, yellow punctures (that's gets a flat if you're from Missouri) break gets caught, Dan Lloyd goes for it, almost crashes and a loan leader is piped on the line by a Cav less Columbia in the shape of the outstanding Edval Boasson Hagen.
Steve Cummings into second, Stannard 4th, Freeman 5th, Dan Martin in 8th and Swifty in Poker Dots - could be a blinder for the home side.
It is really shaping up to be a great race, Anthony Mccrossen seems to have lost his first day nerves and is really warming to the task.
ITV4 still need an extra motorbike or two, but none the less it's a great race and for me the only down side is that I won't be at the Liverpool finish. It's the closest to me, but a long standing family thing means I won't be there. Which is a shame as the kids I coach will be competing in some Go-Ride fun and games before the main show rolls into town. When I say family thing, I mean a family event that will even stop me going training on the morning..... strewth.

AAAARRRRGGGG, how stupid am I, I've just realised why all the Rock Racing 'bad' boys are in the UK (that's bad boys as in unrepentant dopers not cyclists who think they're naughty) Cos if they were to try and get a ride in Missouri they would probably get banned and have to go through the whole riding in front of the race performance that they did in California with all the attendant abuse and embarrassment that that would bring. I'll be a bit quicker on the uptake next time, although I don't see this theory anywhere else, it kind of makes sense to me.

New bikes please.

Now that was a great days racing. Peloton ripped apart three Brits and Dan Martin all finishing in the top group, a lone winner, bloody awful weather, brilliant.

But even I have to feel sorry for the Tyler Hamilton twins, the poor fellas came off and due the Rock Racing team car not carrying any spare bikes had to borrow one from neutral service and then one from team GB. What is the point of having a team car that doesn't carry spare bikes? Surely that's the primary function of a team car? Organisation? nah, lets just get a flashy looking car and forget the bikes.

Still once again a day animated by the Brits, Cummings and Freeman looked strong and when they were joined by three more riders continued to set the pace. Again Ian Stannard was impressive, working hard and getting dropped on the biggest climb of the day, where he fought back and rejoined the group, a very impressive ride. Stannard still only in his first season as a pro is winning plaudits in Belgium for his performances in the classics, finishing P-r and Flanders in your first season and finishing them well bodes well for the future. Cav is being spoken of as a classics winner, but I also think that Ian Stannard will win one day.

ITV 4 have finally cottoned onto the idea that intermediate sprints and KoM's are worth watching, but they need a 2nd or even 3rd bike, it's OK to stay with the leaders, but it would be nice to see a chase getting underway and jumping across. But I shouldn't quibble, in Anthony Mccrossan they have the best race caller there is, I know he's probably working on a tape for ITV4, but his and indeed Martins work for CTV is of the highest order, show them an obscure Belgian pro and they'll know who it is, now this is either very, very impressive or slightly worrying, depending of course on your viewpoint. Me? I'd say impressive.

Across Le pond, Cav is still winning in Missouri, win 16 for the season and whilst he's on the podium a quick look at Le tour de Missouri will reveal, via the cycling glossary on the web site, that saddle is the bike seat and that puncture is a flat tyre.

Whilst we're there, good ol' Lance is making a comeback, I truly have no idea what to make of that, I really don't. I was actually more intrigued by Dave Millars comment 'He could do a lot of good for us'
So which races will he ride? Well looks like Le Tour is flagged up, and he knows how to prepare for that one and there have been older riders finishing on the podium in the past. Firmin Lambot is the oldest winner at 36, but of course you wouldn't put anything past Lance would you. Team wise it will be interesting, will he go to Astana? Or start a new team? It's a bit late for the latter, all the contracts for 09 will have been signed, so that leaves joining an existing squad. Lance will doubtlessly bring his own sponsors on board, so extra finance shouldn't be a problem, the question will be how will this be interpreted by the riders already in the team? Signing a contract saying you're team leader for Le Tour only to be told two months later that you're riding for Lance might be a bit of a blow to the ego and as we all know there are one or two of them about.
Maybe he'll join Rock Racing? He'll have to bring his own bike rack though.

Tour de Britain, Tour de Missouri

At the Tour de Britain I managed to catch up with Garmin DS Matt White for a top quality interview

STIGT: Matt. Many thanks for your time.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Garmin has riders capable of not just stage victories, but of the over all as well

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Will you be concentrating on one or the other or just seeing how the race unfolds?

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Er, It's been said that with only six rides per team everyone has to be super vigilant or else the winning break could be up the road.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: So have you got a race plan or are you just going to play it day by day and see how the race develops?

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Er, you haven't answered my question

Matt: For sure

STIGT: In fact all you've said is for sure

Matt: For sure

STIGT: OK I'll try something different.

Matt: For sure

STIGT: Will Dave Millar be allowed to finish the race early, so he can go back to your house and have sex with your wife?

Matt: For sure

Dave Millar: For Sure.

Having been thrown off the bus, I then went looking for another victim, Alessandro Petacchi

STIGT: Alessandro, how do you feel after winning the stage

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: You timed your sprint very well, were you confident before the race started?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: Your team mate Di Luca attacked early, was this to gain time or to force the other sprinter teams to chase?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: You haven't raced for four months, how difficult did you find today?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

STIGT: What are your aims for the rest of the Dave Millar went round to your house to have sex with your wife whilst you're racing?

Alessandro: I is verrry happppyy

Dave Millar: I is very happy.

Meanwhile the racing had started, but over on ITV 4 you'd never know it, we saw the riders in the nuturalised zone and then if was off to Bletchley park, because it was only 7 miles away, er.. OK.
Now as far as I know (or AFAIK as we say in modern) the only vague connection to cycling is you can drive down Alan Turing way on the way to Manchester Velodrome, which I think is a bit too tenuous even for ITV 4. So why? Do they cut away from a football match to show you the delights of an couple of old building 7 miles from the ground? Oh, they do, I'll shut up then.

Top ride by Stannard, he's had a great season, rode all the classics and rode them well, great to see him off the front, just a shame he was alone, a couple more riders and maybe he could have stayed away, although the final climb slaughtered him, he was the rider of the day in my book.

Cav's at it again, winning that is, no problems in a chaotic one in the Tour de Missouri, despite a long and hard season he's still unbeatabley fast, so for all those that said why is he riding in the US here's the answer, winning in your sponsors back yard. Hopefully the road closures in the US were of a higher quality than over in Britain, where at some points it looked like the race was going through a Go-Ride snake.

Forward, into the past.

I bought cycling weekly this week, a reasonably rare occurrence, I'd initially bought it cos there was some top advice on TTing positions but in the end read the interviews with Wiggo, Hoyo and Roswello first and then the history of BC (well the good bit, after the blood letting, or perhaps the success after the good bit, if you think the blood letting was a good thing).
And then, oh, OK I bought it cos there was a picture of Rock Racing in it. Weeeee, I'm on the CW web site and there's a big ol' article saying that whilst Rock don't exactly smell of poo, some of their riders do and they shouldn't ride on our fragrant British roads. Then there's an 'interview' in which Hugh Roberts (he organises the a long scenic drive round the motorways and service stations of the UK, which to alleviate the boredom he then intersperses it with a little light bike racing) in which he basically says Yes we invited Rock Racing, and we cant stop anyone riding it and no one else is interested. Well we'll see.
But irrespective of whether or not anyone is interested they can, as the promoter, say who gets a ride and who doesn't, look at how many races have excluded teams for races this year. So whilst major events like Le Tour and Le California take a stand by not inviting teams that have had riders who smell of poo, the ToB is somehow above this?
You know the funny thing is that in a way I kind of like RR for sticking two fingers up to the world in general (or in this case three fingers) it's just that these particular fingers small a bit pooey. I just hope they don't get shoved up Mr Roberts nose.

As a historical document, CW this week has a lot going for it, the BC history reminds us that when Peter Keen drew up the plan and said we (that British Cycling) were aiming to be worlds no 1 cycling nation and we were going to do that by way of building on the track he was almost drowned out by a torrent of abuse from the length and breadth of the country. It's a shame those names aren't logged for posterity, oh how we could laugh.


There was almost unconfined joy in the sometimes house the other day when the publication known as Cycle Sport hit the door mat, promising the Olympics, but not just ordinary Olympics oh no, this was an Olympic special. Brilliant eh, a great fortnights bike racing was about to be covered in detail, er except it wasn't.
What we got was a very good article on the mens RR and some nice pictures and a mention that some ladies rode very well. No track? No MTB? No BMX? obviously these aren't sports or they don't involve bikes. Now I can accept that there is a 'sister' magazine (is there a father magazine though?) that covers MTB, but surely if you trumpet an Olympic Special and then miss 80% of the events you must have a reason, maybe a re-title is called for, perhaps Cycle (Road Racing) sport?
I wait to see what the old Pro will have in store next week.

The one good thing that comes out of the ToB though is that (to me) it signifies the start of the racing season. For me the season starts with the Autumn classics, picks up with the 6 days, the worlds cups and is in full bore with the cyclo cross races before finally finishing off with the spring classics. All thses tourist events over the months of May - August, huuugghh, all sensible people should be on holday then.

Whats in a name?

Cycling is indeed like no other sport, what sets is apart from others isn't that we ride bikes whilst others kick a coke can round a muddy field, or that we wear Lycra whilst others are attired in XXXXL shirts with the words 'Champion darts' on the back. No what sets us apart is the use of nicknames.

Other sports have nicknames, but lets face it does calling your mate, Giggsy, or Beckhamey actually strike fear into your opponents? Of course it doesn't.
But call yourself the Bulldog of Flanders, or the Lion of Flanders or any other fierce animal from Flanders and you're half way to a victory. Add the words Eagle, or Condor or Falcon to your name and you can bet that when the road starts to climb yous will be the wheel everyone wants to sit on. In cycling we long ago realised that psychology plays a major role in sport and anything you can do to give you a psychological edge is worth it, even if it involves abandoning the name your parents gave you and adopting a slightly bizarre animal related one.

Like most things though it's often a fine line between striking fear and getting your opponents pissing themselves laughing. Sean Yates was called the animal and in Sean's case that conjured images of aggression, there have been plenty of other riders who if given that nickname would get you thinking of kittens and rabbits.
I used to race with a guy who's nickname was 'the seagull', not because he could soar majestically above the roads we toiled on, but because when ever an attack went up the road, or indeed when ever the road went up the road, he'd flap around in the bunch waiting to crap on you.

But are we running out of decent nicknames? As a sport we've come a long way from 'the chimney sweep' to the cobra. Although Ricco would be better off stuck up a chimney in my opinion. And now we're in the 21st century will we have to think up a whole new raft of names for great riders.
Animal related ones we're very much last century, lets dig out some that are more appropriate for the new millennium. How about the credit cruncher from Cann? Or the recycler from Ronse? Errrr... on second thoughts, where's the zoo.

Oh joy the Tour of Britain is here

Sometimes you mishear what's said to you, Your mind is on something else and you don't just get the wrong end of the stick, you get the wrong end of the tree. Today someone said something about 'buying ethically' I thought they'd said buying mythically and had visions of going into the local supermarket and asking for a Dragon stake and half a kilo of Griffin burgers.

Sometimes you misread something, you glance at a few lines and read something else, may be you see something you don't want to be true and you change it in you mind to lovely wholesome good news.

Sometimes no matter how much you want something to read differently it stubbornly remains the same, no matter how many times you read it.

I keep reading that Rock racing are going to ride the Tour of Britain, I keep reading that LPR (or team LPR as we now know them) are bringing Di Luca over, I keep wishing I've got some weird form of word blindness that prevents me seeing things the way they are, but alas, it's not to be.

I can only assume that when the sponsors of the sport asked the organisers of the ToB to go and get some teams signed up, 'Go and get some teams that represent the noble values of our sport, pick some squads with great ex champions, champions the kids can look up to' The organisers misheard and thought the instruction was 'Go and get a couple of squads with unrepentant ex dopers in 'em' 'Best if you can get some comedy figures as well, we all like a laugh.'

And so we have Rock Racing and LPR lining up in London, imagine the joy the average Grub Street Sports editor will have if one of the Tyler Hamilton twins wins a stage, if Di Luca makes a successful break and gets the yellow jersey. Imagine the successful PR resulting from Cav's unstoppable Tour de France and the Olympic successes getting oh so slightly tainted as they have to dig out two yellow jerseys for the Hamilton boys if he comes home ahead of the field.

Is there really such a shortage of teams willing to ride the ToB that we are reduced to Rock Racing and LPR? Now I've got nothing against Rock and LPR, I mean good luck to them if they want to sign up unrepentant ex dopers, I have no say in their recruitment policies and if their team management think the publicity from having ex dopers riding for them out weighs any negative feed back that's all fine and dandy with me. My gripe is with the organisers of the ToB, have they somehow missed the general mood that is sweeping the sport? Has the wind of change that is a blowing through the sport not reached the dank recesses of their offices? (Well OK they might well have very nice offices, and I do apologise to their interior designers if they have). Why pick teams with ex dopers in them when there are plenty of others who I'm sure would welcome a ride?

Ah, I hear you ask (and yes I am bugging your house / office / park bench) what of the so called Mr David Millar? Well Millar did indeed stray from the path of righteousness, but and it is indeed a BIG but, he had the thingamajigs to hold his hand up, take his ban and come back on the light side (as opposed to the dark side, you see I'm making a differentiation between good and bad here, not commenting on toast). The Hamilton boys on the other hand continue to point the finger at each other and until one of them actually confesses they remain a comedy act above and beyond VDBs dog.

Last year the fans at Le Tour booed the Chicken whilst resplendent in yellow and escorted by a Mexican band he climbed the mountains of the Alps, this year they booed the Vulture or the griffin or what ever his name is as he stepped out of the team caravan to have his collar felt.

Wonder if there will be similar performances on the roads of the UK this year?

I often muse about Mr Mark Cav, the Manx Missile, the Cannonball, he is indeed a great, great rider and as Yoda would say 'Do no wrong, can he', He must have been gutted and double gutted at missing out at the O's, but he came back in Ireland picking up three straight wins and is now of to the land of his sponsor to rack up a few more, brilliant stuff. (Although there is a bizarre thread on the Cycling weekly web site that slags him off for not trying to win the Tour of Lombardy ! - It's this sort of bollocks that gets me even more pissed off than the imitate arrival of the Hamilton twins). Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the Great Cav. The great Cav and his accent, listen to an interview conducted in Europe (that's mainland Europe) and he sounds generally North Western, with a bit of Scouse thrown in, but the closer he get to home the more full on Scouser he becomes and by the time he gets to Ireland it's all curly perm and calm down calm down – brilliant stuff. Should you ever be in need of a subject for a Phd you could do a lot worse than a study of the ever changing accents of British cyclists as they ply their trade across the fair continent of Europe.

Enjoy.