Wednesday, 7 January 2009

First year pro threatens to win Tour de France

In a move that shocked the world of cycling first year pro Lance Armstrong announced that he will personally fill the first eighteen places in this years Le Tour.
Armstrong went on to say that he was doing this as a favor to Johan Bruyneel.
Bruyneel, hot favorite to win the Nobel prize for literature following the publication of 'We might as well eat some cheese', was a major influence on Armstrong's early career, teaching him both how to ride a bike and how to switch on his blackberry.
'I owe Johan a lot.' said Lance, 'and I figure what better way of paying him back than by taking the first eighteen places at le Tour on his behalf'.
When it was suggested that this might not be in the best interests of the sport Lance responded, 'How can that be, Johan is the very spirit of cycling, so what's good for Johan is good for cycling.' 'Also, I'll be leaving the mountains jersey and points jersey for someone else to win.' Upon being asked if he'd forgotten about the white jersey Lance replied 'Oh yeah, I'll be winning that as well, don't forget I'm a first year pro and Johan has told me that I qualify on that basis.'

Boris Johnson to ride national 12 hour TT champs.

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is, like many a politician desperate to attract votes, a big fan of cycling. But Borris has taken his interest in the bicycle to the next 'logical' step and entered the National 12 hour championships.
'I fell in love with cycling as soon as I realised there were votes in it.' Said a flustered Johnson. 'I wanted a challenge that would stretch me, the bounds of reality, they patience of the voting public and set an example to fat chaps that didn't bother to vote correctly. So it was with this in mind that I entered the National 12 hour championships. I've been getting personal training advice from Chris Boardman, who, even though he's from Liverpool has won a gold medal at the Olympics and is therefor essential to my public image, sorry, I mean, to me doing a good time.'
When asked exactly what form of training he was undertaking he replied:
'I've decided that Derny training is the best for both speed and endurance, so with that in mind I've opened up the bike lanes in London to motorcycles so I don't look out of place when I go training.'

RTTC keeping up with the modern times.
Over the years the world of time trialing has had to endure several setbacks. Falling numbers at events, smaller prize funds, restrictions on which roads can be used and the loss of NASA as a major sponsor have all dented the image of Time Trialing.
It shouldn't be forgotten though that it was time trialing, and especially the longer distance events of 100 miles as well as 12 and 24 hours that Lord Chris Hoy and Duchess Victoria Pendleton used as preparation for the Olympic triumph. Indeed wasn't it Jamie Staff that said thanks to the Merseyside 24 hour event I was able to set the fastest time ever for one lap of the velodrome.
So it is much pleasure that we can congratulate the TTC on the use of a new font on their web site.


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