Thursday, 5 February 2009

Do It Yourself - the way forward for dope testing.

My belief has never been so beggared!

In a move as predictable as it's pathetic Mr 60% has decided to scrap the much heralded dope tests run by Dr Ramsus Damsgaard.
In future all dope tests at Saxo Bank will be carried out by Kim Andersen's auntie Dorris, using the tests that served her boy so well during his racing career.

Additional testing personnel.
In addition to Kim Andersens auntie Dorris, 'Team Mr 60%' will be assisted by 'Dr' Gillian McKeith, who will be charged with looking at the riders poo! And applying the simple 'Dr Poo' test, so beloved by Mr Andersen and Mr 60% during their days in the saddle, namely if it looks like shit, it is shit. Which is coincidentally what can be said about the whole team Mr 60% approach to dope testing.

Of course this transparent attempt at UCI sanctioned transparency is, so it seems, the way to go. Why spend money on a world leading anti-doping and monitoring programme when you can piss into a bottle and have some bloke you met in the bar looking at it and saying 'looks fine to me.'. What I find mystifying is that at a time when cash is on the short side teams are not falling over themselves to get a world beating anti-doping programme up front as one of their 'unique selling points'. Still what do you expect? Poachers and Game keepers eh!

Want to go faster?

Want to go faster, feel like your skinsuit just isn't up to it? Then get yourself over to Manchester and start having a look through the bins at the back of the Velodrome. Apparently following their golden haul of gongs at Beijing Big Dave was worried that 'the enemy' might get hold of the super fast skinsuits, so rather than let their secrets go to the open market and follow the normal practice of flogging old kit at the Manchester Velodrome car boot sale, the said suits have been put through the shredder. They are now nothing more than a pile of slightly sticky goo and can be found next to the empty SIS bottles and half eaten pot noodles round the side of the riders car park.

More race cancellations.
In an attempt to beat the doom-mongers the organisers of the Tour of Sochi (that's in Russia) have canceled their race before it has ever had it's first edition. Genius, just genius. Why bother going to the bother of negotiating contracts with teams, TV and sponsors, only to have them sue you due to a last minute failure? Why not forgo all the attendant hassel that you get with running a race and just issue a press statement saying a race that has never taken place and that no-one had any idea was being planned is cancelled.

UCI continue to take the piss!
More piss taking at the UCI, this time for all the right reasons. It is claimed by a 'top secret source' that Uncle Pat is just days away from naming names in the UCI bio-passport programme test thing. Quite who these names are and quite what the offense is, is not clear. What is guaranteed is that the UCI will need some deep pockets as there is no doubt that whoever they 'finger' and whatever the charge the whole shooting match will finish up in a very expensive court case. Just as certain is that when the dust settles there will be bugger all change to anything, other than the UCI being poorer and several lawyers being a lot richer. Can't wait, personally, should provide a nice little side show to the current season.

On a separate UCI related issue I wish they would get their fingers out and grant a license to the Cinelli team. I've got a bet that Crazy Frankie will finish just five races over the coming year and the sooner the UCI get their finger out the sooner I can collect.


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