Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Tanks for the memory.

Bang, bang, bang.

Tanks and armored personnel carriers are to be used in a professional race for the first time at the Tour de Downunder.
The Australian Police have responded to requests for beefed up security from Astana by hiring in a detachment of the Australian armored division for crowd control.
'Astana demanded tighter security' said an Aussie copper 'But when we offered to place extra officers along the route they said it wasn't good enough. We then offered Police with riot shields, which was turned down, next we suggested riot vans with water cannon, but that was kicked into the long grass as well. So finally we put a call into the Army, they've got a few blokes free so they're gonna help us out for a week'.
At the time of making this up (sorry, going to press) there were unconfirmed reports that Blackhawk helicopters were going to be providing air support for any attacks launched by Astana during the race.

Not fair.....
This however brought a swift response from both rival teams and the UCI. Mr 60% is reported to have said 'Armored personnel carriers, yes, I can accept their usage in the Peloton, after all we must move with the times and cycling is a modern sport, but I feel the use of tanks to be a step too far. The increased fire power would disadvantage our sprinters during the final 200m of a stage.'
However the plans were given little backing by head UCI honcho Uncle Pat. 'Cycling is a sport that should be open to all and in a time of economic belt tightening we cannot expect European teams to be flying strategic battle field equipment half way across the world. It is far too expensive and will put off teams from competing in the race.'
It is however thought that the Russian Katyusha team are interested in the idea of military equipment being used in the peloton and have approached Colnago with a view to production of a lightweight artillery piece for use in the mountains.


No comments: