Friday, 3 April 2009

Up yours, right up yours and sling your hook!

The friends of Dr Eufamiano Fuentes'.

Old Doctor Death had lots of chums, come the evening they used to sit round his Spanish castle sipping on the ol' red stuff.
'Nice drop this Doc, what year is it?'
'Why it chateau Jan 2004'
Of course someone who was never there was Vlad the Impaler, or Valve pitta bread, or Valv Pitti or what ever his effin name is.

When the power went off at Furentes place and all the blood started to melt and run under the door, thus alerting the Spanish old bill, one of the things that floated out was a list of names both human and canine. Since then the Spanish forces of law and ignore have been at pains to turn a blind eye to those names.

Fortunately their colleagues in other lands got very excited and started arresting and banning cyclists. One person that was never arrested was Mr Alejandro Valverde (he of the premature hair loss, wonder why that is then?) and since that day he has raced up an impressive list of victories. But now CONI, that devilish array of Italian go getters, have borrowed some of Mr Valverde's blood and you know what, it matches some of the blood that run out under Furentes door.
This of course by no way proves any guilt or wrong doing on the part of Valerie Verdigris indeed there are several options for this blood match, they are:

A) Valverde is Jan Ulrich in disguise .
B) Valverde is in fact a dog called Fido and it was Fido's blood stored in the fridge.
C) Valverde did indeed have his own blood stored in Furentes fridge, but it was only as a precaution in case Alej (do his friends call him that?) needed extra blood whilst he was giving birth.
D) During that fateful night in Italy Ivan Basso kidnapped Alej and pretended to be him during the CONI raid.
E) All of the above.
F) He is in fact guilty of blood doping.

Personally I like option B, have you ever noticed that when Valverde attacks in a race his move is preceded by a man at the side of the road throwing a ball, which Valverde promptly goes after?

Woof, woof, woof.

It's Flanders this weekend, ah Flanders, ah cobbles, ah the soul of bike racing, such wonderful things.


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