It's going backwards.

Tour de France to finish before it starts.


To much fanfare Le Tour is going backwards.

In a new and exciting innovation this year and in keeping with the backwards theme the winner will be announced at the end of June, a week before the race actually starts. In addition all the stage winners will be awarded their bouquets before the race turns a peddle in anger. Then as the race progress and the dope testers take their inevitable toll, names and numbers will be crossed off the list and we'll see who is left come Paris.

This new innovation brings a wholly new and profitable angle to ASO's finances. This year for the first time fans will be able to bet not on who wins what, but on who fails dope tests, when they fail them and when they make their tearful confession live on TV.
In addition the announcement of the finishing order before the race starts will enable journalists to take most of July off and just publish a final GC come October (much like they do now).

Uncle Pat, the UCI, the IOC and the WADA will start to argue about the results at the end of June, thus enabling all the dust to settle and everyone to kiss and make up come the finish in Paris.

THIS JUST IN: In a shock move and in line with the new backwards policy, German TV has announced that following the results of the 2010 Tour de France they will not be showing the event in 2009.

Other top backwards news.

Scott Sunderland has left the Cervelo test team before it's even been launched.
In keeping with this new spirit of doing everything backwards Scott Sunderland has parted company with the Cervelo team before the team has been launched. He has apparently cited personal differences with several riders, none of whom have signed for the team for 2009, but all of whom would be in the team in 2010 and 2011.

Have you seen this man? You might well have seen him tomorrow, if not previously!

Leonardo Piepoli has failed to turn up for the Italian Olympic Committee (Coni) doping hearing on Wednesday (today).

When questioned at his home by the police he gave the reason that he has already appeared at the CONI hearing, infact he was there last week and it's not his fault if they haven't yet adopted the new backwards calandar that is fast finding favour in the world of professional sport.

Tomorrow the French Anti-Doping Agency will announce that Piepoli has failed a test for OPE that he will take next month.

Blame the Italians

My first bike


People get into bike racing for a variety of reasons, in my case it's all the fault of the Italians.
As a kid I was vaguely aware that bikes existed, but due to the impoverished nature of my childhood I didn't get a bike until my teenage years. Now I didn't come from a family with a cycling history, in fact a lack of cash prevented anyone from having a bike.
Now I knew I wanted a bike, I'd asked for one for Christmas, but there was a general uncertainty about what they looked like. This coupled with the lack of money meant that on December 25th what I actually got was a cardboard box with the word BICYCLE written on the side. The bottom had been cut out and I would climb into it and hang it from my shoulders with string. I would then join my street mates, all with their cardboard box bikes, in running around pretending to be Maurice Garin and making bike noises. Initially this consisted of a lot of crunching sounds, until one kid turned up with a small cardboard box with oil written on the side, after that we were all as silent as the night.
Of course there was always that one family which had a bit more cash than the rest of us, their kids had a cardboard boxes with Colnago written on the side.

As I got older I left the world of cardboard bikes behind, they were never that good in the rain and moved onto other things.
Then in the early 80's I was on a motorbike (not made of cardboard you'll be pleased to learn) crossing the Alps into Italy and where the tree line met the July snow I passed a group of cyclists in matching club kit. I was struck by the image and it was a life changing moment, never before had I considered riding a bike seriously. But here with the breathtaking beauty of the Alps and at an altitude that I thought you'd need oxygen to get to there were cyclists. That you could ride a bike, look cool and have fun this high up in the worlds most beautiful scenery was a revelation. My fate was pretty much sealed after that, no more relaxing holidays in the sun no more surplus in the bank account, oh no, from now on holidays involved 'getting the miles in' and the bank manager wondered at my sanity as I'd spend weekend after weekend racing all over the British Isles or watching obscure races in Belgium, Holland , France or Italy. Now days I spend my weekends coaching and my evening's getting my head around power meters and VO2's. Life was much simplier when I had a cardboard box.



Cardboard has come a long way, I still prefer my original though.

The winning lottery numbers are.......(ask Contador)

You too can state the blindingly obvious.

In a statement that would have impressed any fair ground palm reader AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) has said that should Alexander Vinokourov return to Astana there could well be problems. Tune in tomorrow when he'll be giving you the lottery numbers and which shares are actually going to rise.

The other view of this resolves less around AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) ability to see the future and more to do with a slow news day, or indeed a slow news week. As the road season draws to a well over due close there is little to keep the assembled news hacks busy other than thoughts of their hols and a round of beers at the Amsterdam six.

It will be interesting to see if the prediction does however come true, thats the Vinokourov one not the lottery numbers. It's known that he's still training and we can only suspect that he's invested in a new all black wardrobe for the purpose. So will he ride next year? I seriously doubt it, if he does intend to he has to notify the UCI of his intended return 6 months in advance, he'll then need to give it a further 6 months whilst uncle Pat stops laughing, so it's gonna be end '09 at the earliest. At which point the UCI will realise that he was never given the two year ban he so richly deserved. No I don't think we'll see Vino back in the peloton for anyone other than Rock Racing, who of course won't be here to stay in 2010.

Take me to your leader (Part 2)

In a move as unsurprising as AC's (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) ability to see the future, Alien number 2 has admitted that he acted alone in his use of CERA. His personal manager, his team manager and even his dog new nothing of it. I can not begin to describe how upset I was by this confession, I was seriously hoping for an excuse that defied all logic and involved pet hamsters, a mystery 2nd cousin living in China and a mysterious doctor by the name of Glockenspiel. I think the UCI should stick an extra 6 months on the ban as punishment for a lack of imagination (this to be added to a further 6 months for being an ugly son of a bitch).

It will be interesting to see what happens come the end of 2010, will alien number 2 be looking to a return to pro cycling? Well I suspect that he will, he's not got much else in the locker and unless he has a sex change operation and takes up pole dancing in Munich there doesn't' seem much alternative. So 2010, what will the peloton look like? Will Lance still be coming back? Will there be a harder line on doping? Well of the 2 I suspect the latter will be more likely. The crunch may be over (ask Contador on that) and sponsors will be embracing cycling as a healthy, green, pollution free form of transport that enhances their public image and market share. (See sometimes it sounds like I know what I'm talking about, ha). So will there be a place for weird looking ex-dopers with no imagination?

And the winning number is....

As I have not been consulting AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) I didn't win the lottery. but none the less found myself looking at very (make that, very, very, very, very) expensive houses, that are way (make that, way, way, way, way) beyond my means. You know how this starts, you're looking to move and you suddenly say 'hay, what if I had an unlimited budget?' From then on in it's all down hill.
So what I did discover that with a starting budget of £5m I could get the following, house - 1 very big, acreage - at least 100, swimming pool - 1, tennis courts - 4 and stables - at least 2. Throw in a couple of normal size houses for servants etc and you get you're average Yorkshire country estate. What did strike me was this; people who seem to have unlimited cash don't seem to have stuff that would interest me. OK I could convert the stables into a gym, but there was no mention of a Cyclo Cross courses on the estate, no details of XC or downhill routes across the parkland and not a hint of a personal velodrome. I then took part in a discussion with my non cycling 'other half' about the pros and cons of building my own personal velodrome in the event of winning big at the weekend. Just think, we could have watched 'Britain's got talent'.

Reasons to be grateful for Stefan Schumacher, no honestly.

If you were heading to the Manchester round of the World Cup and feeling a little down in the mouth about not seen Brad Wiggins riding, Stefan Schumacher can put a smile on your face.
Brad was scheduled to ride the Munich six with Eric (I once saw the letters E,P and O written on a sheet of paper) Zabel . But since Schumachers fine performance in totally buggering up German cycling there has been a sponsors withdrawal and as a result some of the 'more expensive' riders are getting the week off. Result Brad is at a lose end and will be turning the legs over at Manchester. Weh hey, that must put an extra few quid on the value of my tickets, not that I intend to sell them...... (Email address at the bottom)

Tears for souvenirs.

Tears are not enough, tears are not enough.


Bernard Kohl is welcomed back to the peloton.


Well alien number 2 (Kohl) has admitted that he doped. Er, yep, we all kind of new that already. Anyway, just to show there's no hard feelings he has made a tearful confession and admitted that he 'succumbed to temptation'. So that's alright then is it?

Whilst we had tears, a good helping of excuses and a lot of feeling sorry for himself, what we didn't have were any apologies. Apologies to the riders who lives he's managed to damage. The track riders who have lost a 6-day race, the riders now unemployed since the pull out of sponsors, the riders and fans who have lost the Deutschland Tour. Oh no, it was all about how terrible alien number 2 felt and what terrible pressure he was under. Still he did say he wanted to clean the slate, so everything's OK.

So will increasing the ban for doping to four years and a raft of new tests, including the alleged one for autologous transfusions rid us of the plague? Obviously not, but any steps that make it harder to dope, any measures that increase the risk of dopers being caught and any increase in deterrents are to be welcomed.
You could introduce the death penalty for doping and there would still be idiots who would be willing to take the risk, in sport so as in life. There's little can do as fans, except abuse busted dopers from the roadside, an activity, which is great fun for all the family, next time you're at a race try it, it's a great way of letting off steam.

Have you spoken to Lance recently?

So the Tour de Britain route is announced for 09 and with it the news that they have invited Lance to ride. Good idea, I mean he's gonna be short on miles come September and I'm sure he'd love to risk life and limb riding round the UK's semi closed roads. My club is thinking of sending him a mail, we've got a time trial that could do with a shot of extra publicity and Lance must have a free Sunday in July now.

Still the ToB joins what must be a bulging in box over at Lance towers, surely there can't be a race in the world that hasn't invited Lance to ride. The only way he'll be able to fulfill all the requests is to indulge in a spot of cloning, currently not on the UCI list of banned activities, but soon to be added I suspect if Lance gets interested. Now I may well have misunderstood what was said, but aren't the Tyler Hamilton twins a product of a cloning experiment gone horribly wrong?

A match made in heaven.

I don't know, you wait all you life for a gold medal and then two come along at once. Nicole Cook has announced her new team for 2009, it was an announcement that took just about every cycling pundit in the business (all 2 of 'em) by surprise. There had been speculation about who she'd ride for following the withdrawal of Halfords from womens racing, which in it's self was a strange move you'd have thought. But I don't think anyone saw the link up with Swift racing. Talk about 'left field' (apologies to my US readers if I got the phrase wrong.).

Nicole's press release is here Vision 1 Racing
In it she talks about it being 'time to give something back to the sport' . Which must make Nicole the first person under the age of 30 to say they are giving something back, it's normally a euphemism for 'I'm too old to race, I'll promote an event and do some coaching' (well it is in my case :-) )

The right one.

It's a great, great move. One for which I can't quite find enough praise. One that when you look at it logically makes a lot of sense for everybody concerned.
First the link up with Swift: I mentioned last week that Swift were offering you the chance to help fund their team for 09 ( Own Our Team ), Swift are a great team and they are doing things the right way, they have a base in Belgium and live the whole season out there training hard and showing total commitment to bike racing, they deserve a lot of success.
Second for Nicole: In Swift / Vision 1 there's the perfect match up in terms of up and coming riders, a great ethos and a management structure that shares Nicole's aims and ambitions. There is no doubt that she will have excellent support in races, but equally there is no doubt that the set-up will prove poivitol in the development of British riders with a view to 2012 and beyond.
Financially it makes sense for everybody. For Swift it will help generate extra sponsors and for Nicole it will give her a stable base for the next four years. There's not a lot of money in womens bike racing, even with double gold as a calling card I doubt that Nicole would be commanding a salary much above that of the average team rider, so as money is not an issue there are other things that make a team the right one.

But it's the prospect of rider development that appeals to me. The girls that rode with Nicole in Halfords / GB colours this year undoubtedly benefited immensely and to be able to have a continuity over several years in that development will pay dividends for all concerned.

Finches, as an alternative to those long winter miles.



Excited by yesterdays finch related news? Want to get into singing finches? (It involves less training than bike racing, so could be appealing).
You need to go here. The home of finch related sporting equipment.

Cycling - apparently not popular in Belgium.

Finches, just in case anyone asks

It's hard to know where to begin with cobbles, isn't it? Oh come on, would you know where to start? Right, so why should I?

Ask any racing cyclist where the heart of bike racing lives and they will reply “Belgium”, that is unless they reply, Italy or France, in which case you can ask for their second choice and keep going until they get to Belgium. At that point you can nod sagely and say “Well it's their national sport isn't it?”

Of course at this point you hope they don't know that much about Belgium, as, if they do, they might challenge you with the observation that yes, cycling may be popular, but does it really measure up to Vinkensport?

This is often a question I ask myself when I’m in Belgium. You see Vinkensport, or Finch Sport, is one of the world’s oldest sports, pre-dating competitive cycle racing by perhaps as much as four hundred years. Unlike cycling, there are no bikes, but then bike racing hasn't got finches, has it?

But you see Vinkensport is a lot like bike racing. In Vinkensport, male finches are made to sing and the one that sings the most in an hour is the winner. And in bike racing, there's Freddy Martens.

Freddy holds (along with other luminaries, or Eddy Merckx as he is known) the record for the highest number or stage wins in a Tour de France. That's eight over the course of a three week bike race, or if we apply the correct conversion rate of one stage victory equals one hundred songs, that gives Freddy and Eddy enough to win your average Vinkensport contest.

Up to their beaks in it.

Of course Vinkensport is also like cycling in so far as there have been doping incidents. The world record number for songs in Vinkensport is about 1200 (the exact number eludes me and life is too short to travel to Belgium and ask at the international school for Vinkensport in Ronse), but it turns out that, as so often with cycling, the winner in question was doped up to the beak.

Now, why should any of this be of interest to me? Well you see, if you ask someone who doesn't know anything about bike racing (or indeed someone who thinks France or Italy is the world centre for bike racing) for their opinion of Belgium, they will tell you that it's dull and boring. But how can this be? Any country in which people have spent nigh on 500 years sitting around waiting for a box of finches to sing clearly has something going for it.

Chocolate - really quite nice, if you've never tried it.

Another reason to love Belgium is, of course, its chocolate. Chocolate may not have been invented in Belgium, but the Belgians have seized upon it like something sweet and tasty and made it into an art form. Other reasons to love Belgium include the (now sadly closed) Museum of Underpants and, of course, beer. Apparently there are 900 breweries in Belgium (again life is too short.... blah, blah... Ronse) That works out, using the “Brewery to finch song and back to total population” conversion system, about one brewery to every 11,000 Belgians, or one per small town. No wonder they spend their days sitting around listening to birds sing.

Cobbles, cobbles and more cobbles.

So many reasons to love Belgium, but for me the biggest reason is cobbles. To me the heart beat of bike racing is Belgium and that heart sits on a road of cobbles. Whether or not that's actually true is a little open to question. Back in the mists of time, even before the time of Freddy and Eddy, most roads throughout Europe were clad in cobbles, but with the advancement of the smelly god that is tarmacadam, up came the cobbles and down went the tarmac. Fortunately for bike racers everywhere there was some resistance to this and nowhere was that resistance stronger than in Belgium. You see the average Belgian is blessed with a wonderful northern European sense of value. Not for them a Mediterranean acceptance that progress is inevitable, but it just won't be here until tomorrow. Oh no. The Belgians asked one simple question, “Do my cobbles still work?” The answer was of course, “Yes”, and so, with the exception of major roads, the cobbles were left to be. This had two benefits, which didn't reap an obvious reward until the 20th century: 1) the average tourist loves the look of your common or garden cobble and 2) if you're going to race a bike over a cobbled road, you need a combination of skills that by their mere possession make you a very good cyclist. These are immense strength, great bike control and a disregard for your own safety that borders on the insane. In fact, the crazier you are, the more success you will have; cue Freddy.

It is this combination of strength, skill and madness that has propelled Belgian cyclists to the forefront of world cycling. They have long punched above their weight and, occasionally, below the belt. Even now, when upstart nations such as America, Germany and even Britain have begun to win the occasional bike race, Belgium still holds its reputation as the heartland of hard cyclists who ride hard races on barking mad roads.

Mind the kids.

This reputation, then, is what's responsible for dragging cyclists from across the globe to race their bikes over cobbled roads, the like of which, if they encountered them at home, would result in a swift call of complaint to the local authority. And for those of us with slightly more of a grasp of reality, this reputation drags us to stand in muddy fields and watch bicycles being ridden very fast across the heads of small children.

“The heads of small children” is one of the colourful terms the locals use to describe their cobbles. Just as Eskimos are reputed to have over 50 words for snow and the British at least 42 words for rain, the Belgians have 61 words to describe their cobbles. I could list them all now, but let’s be honest here, they wouldn’t be much use to you and I suspect you'd think I had made most of them up, which, of course, I would have done, owing to the impoverished nature of my Flemish. Suffice to say then that there are 61. There were only 39 until Belgium joined the EEC, at which point they had to sign up to the Pan European treaty on the preservation and development of historic highways, subsection cobbles, subsection transport (as opposed to subsection transportation of jelly) and got lumbered with another 22. You think this is bad; you wait until you get to the subsection on rice pudding and blancmange. So blancmange apart, we find ourselves, drawn by a love of cycle racing, chocolate and singing finches, along with an appreciation of the obscure laws of Europe to a Belgian roadside. Enjoy.

(some of you may have seen this before......)

I could do that.

Michael Rasmussen steps up the training.


Someone recently accused me of thinking I could run world cycling. I took this, incorrectly it turns out, to be a compliment.
Whilst head of the UCI may well not quite be my dream job it would tide me over until the master of the universe position became vacant. (I know there's a connection, doesn't master of the universe report to the head of the UCI?)

Initially there would be a few changes which may take a little getting used to. For example along with life bans for doping there would be life bans for excessive winging and looking a bit odd (which would have eliminated Kohl and Schumacher before any of the current problems started).
Teams would be excluded from major events for riding ugly bikes and having a badly designed jersey. Ex-Dopers would be invited back, providing they raced in a clowns costume.
Look I know there are potential pitfalls here, but hey, I think I should be allowed a shot at it, lets face it the above plan is no worse than what currently takes place is it?

Unemployment figures set to ride from January 1st 2009.

Uncle Pat (the man who currently keeping the chair warm for me) has just announced that from Jan 1st 09, dopers will face a ban of up to 4 years. The reason for this and not his (and indeed most fans ) favored length of life is that the UCI have to remain with in WADA rules.
But that aside it is wonderful news, it will in effect finish the careers of anyone caught on the juice.
The four year ban is to be handed out for 'willful cheating'. This willful then is I suppose the opposite to cheating where by you accidentally pick up the syringe of EPO and accidentally stick the needle in your arm and accidentally inject yourself. Which guessing from what Kohl, Schumacher etc have been saying exactly what has been happening.

Meanwhile at the chicken farm....

Michael Rasmussen is set to challenge the CAS ruling that he is an ugly son of a bitch that deserves to be kicked from pillar to post by anyone who claps eyes on him. Not content with fleecing Rabobank for 700,000 Euros via a civil action, he now clearly want's to be back riding next season. Cant't wait. (OK I know Rabo weren't blameless here and should have done thing better, but, you know... it's the chicken for God sake)
Personally I hope he's successful, I also hope that the full realisation that having returned to the sport he is totally unemployable and that no one in the sport will touch the freak would be enough to send him into an abyss of madness from which he never recovers.

I have stated previously that I regard the 6-day season as the height of bike racing, so you can imagine my apoplexy with the news of the cancellation of the Stuttgart 6-day (or the Tour of Stuttgart as VeloNews called it) due to the escapades of Messers Kohl and Schumacher and the effect on sponsors and fans.
In my experience once a 6-day goes it almost never returns. Germany despite a number of 6-days does not have a flourishing track scene so this will help nail the lid shut in what little there is. Well done Guys, impressive performance.