Getting down with the thieves of glory.

Good news Mrs Hamilton, it's twins.

In a somewhat less than shocking turn of events Schumachers Lawyer has expresses doubts about the testing procedures that caught his client.
Apparently Schuey is "totally destroyed and has withdrawn from everything", oh dear, how sad, my heart bleeds, it really does, Poor old Schumacher is upset that after taking a couple of doses CERA he has been found positive at a dope test, been sacked by his team and now has the German fuzz turning his place over and taking away 'items' for evidence.
My view is that the first rider to say 'it's a fair cop' on getting caught, should be allowed to get off scott free, not that it's ever likely to happen is it, denial and stupidity seem prerequisites for the average dope head and it is clear that Schumacher has theses in abundance.

Talking of abundance, the Tyler Hamilton twins have been speaking (in unison I must assume) to the fine VeloNews and amazingly confides in us that 'I’m still scarred. I’m not the same person I was before, that’s for sure'
Whooo, there, hold the front page, hang on I'll just pick myself up from the floor. I thought the Hamilton boys had returned to as cyclists, not stand up comedians. 'I'm not the same person I was before.' Well who the flipping heck are you then? I thought you were twins, I'm sure that was you brilliant defense, now if you're not the same person is that just one of you? both of you? or what? Are there now four of you, oh my God, this is getting to confusing.
Still another caught doper complains, I assume that 'I'm still scared' counts as a complaint, that they've had it tough, oh boo hoo, what a shame. It's the same old story that makes me sick, you take dope, you assume you have a right to take dope, you get caught, you're not happy with the fact that you get banned, you assume that you should get off free and be allowed to race again.
The reason I'm all for life bans has nothing to do with stamping out doping in the peloton, no it's all to do with shutting up ex dopers and stopping them bleating on and on about how tough things are. Giving you medals back Tyler? Thought not.

Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo, you'd better never bother with me ol' bamboo.

British Cycling have always had an eye on the future. It was cutting edge technology and design that helped the Gold fest that was the Olympics and Worlds this year. But in a recent development BC have announced that they are looking not just towards 2012 but to 2052.
The assumption is that by 2052 the cost of certain materials currently used to build bikes will be prohibitively expensive and will therefor be banned by the UCI and IOC. With this in mind BC is looking to other materials, the assumption is that it will be compulsory to make bikes out of resources that are both renewable and biodegradable. And so the much heralded secret squirrel club is to be superseded by the newly named Pander club. This group of top research scientists and mechanics will be led once again by Chris Boardman. The reason for the name is that the new wonder material identified by BC as the key material in bike building for 2052 will be bamboo.





Bamboo init......
So whilst the above will not be the actual models that are raced on come 2052, they are the first steps along the way.

There is also talk of a skinsuit that recycles water. Apparently 'top boffins' are researching a suit that will convert sweat into drinkable water, that will be fed back to the rider via a small tube that is attached to the zip. This it is hoped will eliminate the need to have as many stops either to take on additional water bottles or to, how can we put this politely, ah yes, take a piss.

And the winner of Julys stage is.........

For God's sake man, just say no.

Spam, tis a wondrous thing, non? My spam filter has just picked up a mail offering 'Special treatment for your beloved.' Now stupid me, I thought this was going to be an offer of new bar tape for my Colnago, or even my track bike, but it turns out that they are offering little blue tablets to put more ding in your dong, so Dee Qin, unless you can offer something that's more relevant for the average cyclist I'm deleting your mail.

So the comeback starts in Le Tour de Downunder. The UCI have waived the 6 months notification rule, by 12 days, to allow Lancey boy to be on the start line. It's a great rule and makes a lot of sense, however the precedent was set with Chipo just rocking up at California with a bike and riding.
Still the UCI claim they contacted Lance twice, to tell him about the rule and didn't get a response, hummmh, looks like UCI is drilled into Lances spam filter along with all those mails offering performance enhancing drugs.

And the winner is.....

One of the million reasons I love cycling is that there's never an off season, if you like bike racing there's action all year round, road, cross, track, XC, downhill, BMX even TTing, but of late there is of course another exciting option to keep you entertained when there is no racing (or indeed when the Tour de Poland is on) and that's who'll be caught next. This is a really exciting new twist to our sport and only a recent addition to the calendar, but one that I'm sure will go from strength to strength in the coming years.
It's October now,three months since the Le Tour finished and the stage winners are still in doubt, how exciting is that? A stage race that goes on for three months! Well done the UCI , they really are making it a 12 months round sport.
Add to this the new sport of comeback racing and, you can have a really exciting twelve months without ever once seeing someone actually ride a bike, I know we want to attract new viewers to the sport, but shouldn't they be introduced to seeing people riding bikes first?

The chip circuit.

Meanwhile, the 6-day season gears up. I should state here that in my eyes the 6-day season is the supreme height of bike racing. And this season the cup will runneth over, Zable is to knock it on the head, and will be partnered by Brad Wiggo on his final rides. All of this has prompted Brad to do a bit of training. Undoubtedly Brad will be training out from the town where he lives, this just happens to be on my training route. Now Brad has fessed up spending a few months in his local there after Athens, but this isn't the problem we find when riding through it. Our misfortune is a newly opened chip shop and as we stagger through on our circuits we are assailed by the smell of freshly chipped chips. It's getting more common to see knackered cyclists drift in for a refueling stop of the fried potato nature. You see, 'tis a town of evil temptation for the cyclist.
Brad has admitted that his dalliance in the town caused him to have a crap season, pah, we're ahead of you there boy, we're crap before we get tempted.
On second thoughts, maybe Brad will be tempted by a chippy supper, frits, fries or chips, call em what you will, form one of the corners of the triangle that make a great 6-day race, the others are beer and bike racing, oh, hang on looks like Brad is in the perfect spot to cover all bases. Looks like he'll be having a good winter.

Good clean family entertainment.

Look kids, a bald twat, lets throw rocks at him in the hope that we might kill him.



Apparently one of the by-products of excessive testosterone abuse is hair loss. Surprising that there seem to be some prematurely bald cyclists about, still a coincidence I'm sure. I mean Schumacher, Alejandro Valverde and Leonardo Piepoli? I'm sure they just lost their hair through the use of the wrong shampoo.

It has been revealed by AFLD (the French anti doping agency) that Ricco managed to fail four tests in this years Le Tour, all of them for CERA - brilliant, way to go Ricco lad, why take one syringe into the shower when you can take four. Hats off to that man, looks like he out Virenqued, Richard Virenque an impressive performance. Schumacher only managed two positives, does that mean that he's a better cyclist or he can't afford as much smack as Ricco, perhaps he needs a better dealer.
Dealers, dealers? Has anyone actually grassed up their dealer? (I assume dope cheats have dealers) Wasn't the UCI offering reduced sentences for anyone fingering their dealer?, so to speak. By the looks of it no one has offered to point any fingers in any directions, still Ricco was apparently p'd off with his sentence, so was I, twat should have got life.

Good news on the way, to the effect that the IOC is to test for CERA on all the samples it took at the Olympics. Bring it on. Lets find out who else is going down the toilet with us, lets see how many sports the IOC want to eff off after this is done. And then lets move on.......

I say hasn't all gone quiet over at Astana, AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) must be looking at his options, which seem fairly limited, despite saying last week that he has been in contact with several interested teams, there has been little action. The problem other teams would have is the same one AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto)has at Astana, parachute in a potential tour winner and the established hierarchy ion your team goes to pot, everyone gets pissed off and your star rider could walk out, sparking (I'd hope) a round of musical chairs. So will Johan chose Lance or AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) to lead the squad in Le Tour? If he choses AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) does anyone expect Lancey boy to play the role of domestique? Or could we have a rewind to the Hinault v Lemond race of 86? Might make the race slightly more interesting.
I'm still hopeing that AC (that's Alberto Contador and not AC from operation Puerto) takes Lance's advice and realises that it's 'time to move on'.

Now is the time

for all good people to come to the aid of their sport.......

Someone at the IOC has suggested that cycling get the heave ho out of the Olympics, and you know what, I see his point. I mean cycling obviously has a doping problem, any fool can see that. But what of other sports? Do other sports monitor blood levels as strictly as we do and then use that data to target possible cheats? er no, they don't. Once again the fact that there is a comprehensive programme that catches cheats is used as a stick to do the beating with. How about the IOC insist on standardised testing procedures across all sports, across all nations and then see who's taking the piss and who's clean? Oh no, can't do that, some nations don't have the resources to monitor and test their athletes as fully as those in the developed world do they, so it could be seen as unfair, couldn't it? Well guess what, the IOC has a few quid (Dollars, Euros, Francs, whatever) in the bank, how about they use some of the megga money they are given every two years to finance comprehensive monitoring programmes across all sports, across all nations?
How many athletes were tested at the Olympics? You mean to tell me that they were all clean? Ha, ha, ha

Loss of Olympic status would effectively kill the sport at the top end in this and indeed many other countries, Aus, NZ, etc, countries with no big professional scene to support riders, countries where the Olympics are seen as the major event and are funded accordingly.

Uncle Pat - Attack dog of the UCI

In a weird twist of history Uncle Pat has gone on the attack, perhaps the first time a UCI pres has done this, he is reported to have said....

"It is completely unacceptable for Thomas Bach to be saying this. I don't like talking about other sports, but there are other sports with persistent problems. Instead of firing guns at cycling he should fire guns equally at them as well."

Well, good on ya Uncle Pat, at last someone with the balls to say something that might ruffle a few feathers. He's probably had to go and have a lie down after that, but still I'm impressed.
I still think the UCI should press for life bans and top that up with sanctions for national associations of countries where doping still takes place, it should be the UCI, WADA that decide how long bans are and who they are applied to, the current situation with some national associations having different perspectives from others is a face. Removing national teams from a years worth of World Championships might wake a few people up.

CN has an interesting quote from Sebastian Lang, I'll drop the quote in full (apologies to CN) cos I think it's important

"When it was announced that there was a new test for CERA, we were all happy. We sat on the bus and really celebrated, The whole team... except Stefan. He was suddenly very quiet and withdrawn. So we, other riders got together and discussed it. Finally we and the team management openly asked him whether there was something we should worry about." The response? "He just openly lied in our faces and said that everything was OK. Cheats must be caught and punished. All of them. Even when it is another heavy blow for cycling."

He joins a long list of those that will speak out, often with considerable anger against dopers. Time to move on? My arse it is.

I've just looked back at the last few entries, huuummmhh, hopefully in the next few days I'll actually have some bike racing to write about.

Right, stop it now, it's time to move on......

Moving on......

Lance want's to move on, but, surprise, reality has a nasty habit of biting your backside.
The Le Tour stages that looked too good to be true, turned out, surprise, surprise to be too good to be true. Stefan Schumacher and Leonardo Piepoli join the list of test failures from this years Le Tour and I'm sure that there are more to come. Schumachers ride in the ITTs were far too good to do anything other than raise suspicion, I guess you could have put money on him being caught. As you could have done with Piepoli who legged it from the race as soon as his little chum got caught. Maybe they shouldn't ban all these tossers for life as I have previously said, maybe they should stick em all in a team (I know, I know, it would be a big team) and let them ride, fans could then be invited to stand at the road side and throw rocks at them. I'd pay good money for that.
On the plus side it looks as though Schumacher is to be sued by both his ex manager and the German federation, can I join in. Hopefully both cases will end in success and we'll see Schumacher where he so rightly belongs - sleeping in a cardboard box on the streets.

So as of today that's 5 stages won by dopers, is that a record, I don't know? But what is a record is the number of riders caught. Assuming the UCI are going to send invoices to all convicted dopers it looks like there will be new office furniture all round at Ch. de la Mêlée 12. Funny thing is that whilst the wires have buzzed with the latest doping news the UCI as always, remain wondrously silent on the issue. I'm signed up for RSS feeds and mails from the land of Cuckoo clocks and my inbox is surprisingly light, all the news is via other sources. Looks like they have taken Lance's advice and moved on, oh hang on, it's impossible to move on from somewhere you've never been isn't it.

Top dog related news.

Er... Frank Vandenbroucke, is, according to Belgian news sites, planning on making another return, they don't say anything about his dog though, so we must assume it's a return to cycling and not crufts. Cyclingnews calls Frankie enigmatic, which I suppose will keep the lawyers from the corporate door, personally I can think of many, many ways of describing Frankie and enigmatic isn't one of them. Frank should just give it up and join a traveling freak show or Rock Racing as it's now called.

Own your own team.

How about this www.ownourteam.com. The team formally known as team Swift is inviting you to help out by contributing to it's coffers. A great idea I think. They have had a great season and I hope that they will continue to have many more and by giving then a few notes you will help ensure that they do. They riders and management show a hell of a lot of commitment, setting up base in Belgium,and riding some pretty tough races. So good luck.

Somewhere over the rainbow.

Genius, pure genius.

Oh, look, some cycling other than 'The return' has taken place. I really should mention the worlds, shouldn't I.
Unlucky on Ben Swift, 4th in the U23 is no disgrace, especially when the winner shouldn't actually be riding, still if you get caught doping it's nice to have a friendly National association to say it's OK to carry on riding. Oh look Duarte Arevalo's case is making a come back, what are the chances of a bronze for Swifty before the years out?
Over on the Womens race - brilliant, there is no other word. Olympic gold and rainbow jersey in the space of a few weeks, wow, The final selection was impressive and to win from Vos, Arndt and Worrack is amazing. You would have thought the Germans would have had the edge and indeed tactically they did all they could, but Nicole was the epitome of cool waiting until the final 100 and thank you very much, a pure joy to watch. The addition of a team to back her up has paid massive dividends for Nicole. It's been an unbelievable psychological boost for her and she's now riding with so much more self belief she's almost unstoppable. Tactically as well she seems more relaxed, playing the waiting game, when a few years ago she might have done too much work and lost out. Like Cav, Nicole is quick to praise and thank her team, in my opinion a mark of not just a great rider, but that of a fine human being as well. It will be a pleasure to watch Nicole race in the rainbow jersey next season.
Take those victories Nicole has had, TdF twice, tour of Italy, 2 World cups, Flanders etc etc and give them to a man and the world would say here's one of the all time greats, so maybe it's about time certain cycling mags featured Britain's greatest rider a little more eh?

The bad, the sad and the return.

Having spent a week away from all internet related activity and therefore any cycling news the only thing I have found out is that Ricco has had a two year ban slapped on him, still on the plus side I bet he's already training hard for his comeback, it'll be interesting to see where toxic boy goes. July 30th 2010 - stick it your diary folks. There was a rumor that he'd spilt the beans, grassed up his dealer or whatever, but as yet no news on that front. I'm waiting for the French police to put the boot in and chuck him in the slammer for six months with a big burly Parisian called Claude who has a thing for skinny climbers, which of course will stand him in good stead on his return and any future out of the saddle action.

Good to see Puerto has been closed, again, now by my reckoning that's four times it's been officially closed. That's the trouble these days, everything is making a comeback, I'll predict that by mid July the Festina affair would be on the comeback trail.

Now, that young Lance Armstrong, he may well have pronounced that he thinks it's time to 'move on' but guess what? Yep, no one else thinks so. His return was referred to as "embarrassing", to which Lancey responded "Not to mention that my team of 25 riders over those seven years was also never found to be positive." indeed so, but since then some have been caught drinking from the fountain of eternal youth (so to speak) and some have 'fessed up (as I believe Americans call it) to doping, that's the embarrassing bit, surely, or maybe not.
Meanwhile Jan Ulrich, remember him? thinks Lance can win the tour, er.... well he didn't have much trouble against the pie master when he was racing did he....

Toxic Waste

The US government is resolving the world economic crisis by buying up toxic investments. This is quite similar to the operation of several cycling teams that seem to be buying up toxic riders. Rock Racing (here to stay, yeah, right, I'll give it another year)springs to mind here, but there are others, I'll let you form your own list.

After you with the sick bag.....

So I have a week away and whilst I'm gone the world of cycling goes, well, it goes on pretty much as before, ex dopers announce their return to the sport and GB win more World Championships.

The latest unrepentant to return is Alexandre Vinokourov, well according to some sources anyway, I guess this was inevitable wasn't it, I mean he must have been the only banned rider not planning a comeback and rather than be left out he saw the potential for another payday and jumped back on the bike. It really is depressing isn't it?

Meanwhile over at Mr 60% world (CSC) Frank Schleck has been suspended, apparently he paid £5k (I haven't got a Euro symbol, sorry) to Fuentes for coaching advice from an unnamed coach, yeah right. Me? I'm more than happy to give five grand to a known agent of doping for coaching advice from someone I don't know. I'm sorry, that is just pathetic, it really is. And what of the much heralded clean, clean, clean image of CSC / Saxo Bank / IT Dooh Darrr?
I know it would be too much for Mr 60% and Mr Andersen (2 failed drugs tests) to let their riders know that dealing with Dr Death would not go down well with their new image, but you'd have thought that Frankie boy would have at least one brain cell in his head. But apparently not, apparently all the fuss over Fuentes seems to have bypassed our Frank, pass the sick bag.

Meanwhile Lance says the 1999 sample can't be tested, apparently cos the lab that originally did the test is crap, as is Dick Pound and the French Ministry for stopping Lance (I'm sure that's their official title), anyway as Lance says 'it's time to move on'. But this is cycling, and if by 'moving on' we assume Lance means, move on from talking about doping than I'm afraid it ain't likely to happen is it? There are plenty of questions that we will never see the answers to, so I won't bother asking them, but to attempt to move on from talking about doping, is a little short sighted, non? With Vinokourov on the trail and Frankie banned by his team, doping remains a hot topic, Lance may well want to move on, but the big question ain't gonna let him, no matter how many press conferences he holds.
Three years ago Lance packed it all in and at the time doping was a taboo subject, partly in no small way due to the behavior of a certain Lance Armstrong and a Mr Filippo Simioni. But times have changed and ometra doesn't hold sway as much as it did. So Lance may well want to move on, but I don't think he's gonna be allowed to, at least not the way he'd like.
Lance must know that he will continue to be asked the question and will as always play the same game as he did before; look at the tests / the lab was to blame / it's time to move on. What the response of the cycling fans is remains to be seen. Although I doubt if Lance cares much what the average fan thinks, Lance as always has an agenda and I doubt if you or I (the fans that is) are on it. So in a way I wish him luck in his continued stance and I will be intrigued to see what the response on the road is.